I like to #eat, but I'm getting more particular as I age. Used to be I'd eat anything on my plate that resembled food, even if it sometimes was too bloody, too cold, or too spicy. But now it's like everything is too salty--chips, popcorn, soup, even my old reliable favorite, quesadillas. Where did this come from? It's not like the doctor said cut back on your salt, you fatty, or I'm going to force those high blood pressure #pills down your throat. No one even whispered it to me except possibly the government, and they don't count because you know nothing ever gets done in that paper-pushing world of #bureaucracy.
The "not too much salt" just seemed to spring out of the blue, and at about the same time, so did the "wanna sweet anything" #craving. I actually prefer meals that are entirely sweet. French toast with syrup is one of my favorites. For lunch, I've having one of those ice cream sandwiches between two waffle-like wafers. #Breakfast is easy. I just gulp down some #Starbucks with my favorite biscotti. If it keeps going like this, I'm probably going to start shitting sugar cubes. But I'm not worried. Dieticians and researchers can't seem to agree on what's a healthy diet, so I'm just letting my #appetite lead me.
Here are some other #foods that creep me out:
1. #Avocados---yeah, I know they're supposedly #nutritious and if I went in for a facial and they stuck some avocado #goop on my face I'd probably rave about its cosmetic benefits, but eat it? No way. It's too mushy in #consistency and the color resembles a Volkswagen beetle I used to call vomit green. That's a picture I can't seem to get out of my mind. And the funny thing is restaurants sometimes charge extra for it--oh, you want avocado on your salad? That'll be a $1.25 charge more, ok? I'm just the reverse. I interrogate servers thoroughly before ordering. Are you sure that vegetarian sandwich doesn't have avocado? Can you #wager your first born's life on the promise of no avocados in this chicken pita?
2. #Peanut butter ice cream--I don't know where that came from because I essentially love all ice cream, but if I even smell a whiff of peanut in my ice cream, I'll dump it.I'm not allergic to it like some unlucky people are. My husband loves the stuff, so he's not real #sympathetic with this non-preference. He and I can agree on one thing: My #passion for peanut butter in sandwiches, candy and cakes is equal in #intensity to my dislike of it in ice cream.
3. #Chocolate milk--Even as a kid, I wouldn't touch the stuff. #Mom would put some Hershey's syrup in an eight-ouncer and I'd sip it tentatively, then push it away. Again, this doesn't make sense because I like chocolate in any other form. Give me a box of See's milk or dark chocolates and I'll go through that two-pounder in about the same amount of time it takes me to figure out the calorie load. Can't really explain it but I figure it has something to do with a certain #dermatologist who told me when I was an impressionable young woman with moderate acne that chocolate was a no-no; in other words, it would exacerbate the red pimply mess on my face and back.
4. Scungilli, aka squid, and oysters--won't eat them. It's part of my raw fish vendetta and why I don't eat sushi. It's also the smell. This stuff usually bears the odor of the seven seas, and while I am willing to dunk my body in the Atlantic or some other body of water with little fishies in it, I will not swallow some of the treasures from its depths.
5. #Exotic meats like venison, buffalo, kangaroo, and god forbid, snake--Call it the #scaredy-cat syndrome, call it conservative eating tastes, call it anything you want, but don't call it a meal. At least for me. I've watched my #husband try these #delicacies and because they usually cost more than the filet mignon on the menu, he says he's "good with them." Well, I don't know what you think, but that's not what I'd call a no-holes-barred, five-star recommendation.
6. Over-salted veggies, meats, salads, and anything else that passes for #edible. I will dump those suckers as fast as I can or complain loudly to the server about the lack of #quality assessment.
7. Mustard (even Grey Poupon) I will add just a smattering to my hot dog but that's rare since most hot dogs are too salty for me to down. If there's mustard in the salad dressing (such as honey mustard), I'll send it back. Furthermore I won't tolerate it on my burgers, as many a fast-food place will testify to.
8. Pickles. Another strange taste departure. Used to be my family would donate all the sour pickles on their plate to that small child who lived in their house and cried a lot. That would be me. Now, I won't go near pickles, sour OR sweet. Is this a psychologically-induced scar from my childhood or am I just getting to be a pain-in-the-ass food forager?
9. Veggies with strange names like okra, calabash, black radishes, ramps, heirloom anything, and artichokes. They scare me. If it's not frozen by Birdseye, I'm not going near this farm produce.
10. Bread Pudding. I love desserts. In fact, I have said to people that I've never met a dessert I didn't like---until I tried bread pudding. There's something about the words bread and pudding that are irreconcilable, a #contradiction in terms. Pudding #conjures up pictures of gooey chocolate or lemony mixtures that fairly beg to have whip cream glopped onto them. But bread? What's that? Something seeded maybe? Gluten heavy. Sliced as in I'll have a ham and swiss on sliced rye?
Many hundreds of years ago phrenologists analyzed the bumps on your head and wrote up a report about your #personality and psychological quirks. I'm willing to bet that there may be an untapped area for shrinks in analyzing food choices. Meanwhile I'm just going to go about my business inviting as many sugary foods into my life as possible. Who knows? I may yet find the cure for cancer!
The "not too much salt" just seemed to spring out of the blue, and at about the same time, so did the "wanna sweet anything" #craving. I actually prefer meals that are entirely sweet. French toast with syrup is one of my favorites. For lunch, I've having one of those ice cream sandwiches between two waffle-like wafers. #Breakfast is easy. I just gulp down some #Starbucks with my favorite biscotti. If it keeps going like this, I'm probably going to start shitting sugar cubes. But I'm not worried. Dieticians and researchers can't seem to agree on what's a healthy diet, so I'm just letting my #appetite lead me.
Here are some other #foods that creep me out:
1. #Avocados---yeah, I know they're supposedly #nutritious and if I went in for a facial and they stuck some avocado #goop on my face I'd probably rave about its cosmetic benefits, but eat it? No way. It's too mushy in #consistency and the color resembles a Volkswagen beetle I used to call vomit green. That's a picture I can't seem to get out of my mind. And the funny thing is restaurants sometimes charge extra for it--oh, you want avocado on your salad? That'll be a $1.25 charge more, ok? I'm just the reverse. I interrogate servers thoroughly before ordering. Are you sure that vegetarian sandwich doesn't have avocado? Can you #wager your first born's life on the promise of no avocados in this chicken pita?
2. #Peanut butter ice cream--I don't know where that came from because I essentially love all ice cream, but if I even smell a whiff of peanut in my ice cream, I'll dump it.I'm not allergic to it like some unlucky people are. My husband loves the stuff, so he's not real #sympathetic with this non-preference. He and I can agree on one thing: My #passion for peanut butter in sandwiches, candy and cakes is equal in #intensity to my dislike of it in ice cream.
3. #Chocolate milk--Even as a kid, I wouldn't touch the stuff. #Mom would put some Hershey's syrup in an eight-ouncer and I'd sip it tentatively, then push it away. Again, this doesn't make sense because I like chocolate in any other form. Give me a box of See's milk or dark chocolates and I'll go through that two-pounder in about the same amount of time it takes me to figure out the calorie load. Can't really explain it but I figure it has something to do with a certain #dermatologist who told me when I was an impressionable young woman with moderate acne that chocolate was a no-no; in other words, it would exacerbate the red pimply mess on my face and back.
4. Scungilli, aka squid, and oysters--won't eat them. It's part of my raw fish vendetta and why I don't eat sushi. It's also the smell. This stuff usually bears the odor of the seven seas, and while I am willing to dunk my body in the Atlantic or some other body of water with little fishies in it, I will not swallow some of the treasures from its depths.
5. #Exotic meats like venison, buffalo, kangaroo, and god forbid, snake--Call it the #scaredy-cat syndrome, call it conservative eating tastes, call it anything you want, but don't call it a meal. At least for me. I've watched my #husband try these #delicacies and because they usually cost more than the filet mignon on the menu, he says he's "good with them." Well, I don't know what you think, but that's not what I'd call a no-holes-barred, five-star recommendation.
6. Over-salted veggies, meats, salads, and anything else that passes for #edible. I will dump those suckers as fast as I can or complain loudly to the server about the lack of #quality assessment.
7. Mustard (even Grey Poupon) I will add just a smattering to my hot dog but that's rare since most hot dogs are too salty for me to down. If there's mustard in the salad dressing (such as honey mustard), I'll send it back. Furthermore I won't tolerate it on my burgers, as many a fast-food place will testify to.
8. Pickles. Another strange taste departure. Used to be my family would donate all the sour pickles on their plate to that small child who lived in their house and cried a lot. That would be me. Now, I won't go near pickles, sour OR sweet. Is this a psychologically-induced scar from my childhood or am I just getting to be a pain-in-the-ass food forager?
9. Veggies with strange names like okra, calabash, black radishes, ramps, heirloom anything, and artichokes. They scare me. If it's not frozen by Birdseye, I'm not going near this farm produce.
10. Bread Pudding. I love desserts. In fact, I have said to people that I've never met a dessert I didn't like---until I tried bread pudding. There's something about the words bread and pudding that are irreconcilable, a #contradiction in terms. Pudding #conjures up pictures of gooey chocolate or lemony mixtures that fairly beg to have whip cream glopped onto them. But bread? What's that? Something seeded maybe? Gluten heavy. Sliced as in I'll have a ham and swiss on sliced rye?
Many hundreds of years ago phrenologists analyzed the bumps on your head and wrote up a report about your #personality and psychological quirks. I'm willing to bet that there may be an untapped area for shrinks in analyzing food choices. Meanwhile I'm just going to go about my business inviting as many sugary foods into my life as possible. Who knows? I may yet find the cure for cancer!
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