The Dysfunctional Family

Did you ever retreat inward to your mind and lose yourself for a few seconds? How's it done? You cast off the "you" identity and look at yourself more objectively. I compare it to the near death experience some people describe, but not as extreme. Near death patients often experience the phenomenon in surgery and describe floating on the ceiling of the OR and watching the doctors attempt to save their lives. This little shade or imperfect clone of yourself floating on the ceiling tiles is your soul--maybe the one Plato described in his philosophical works. I've escaped briefly (a few minutes) for years. It's a nice place to be for a wee bit. You don't have to take responsibility, you have no guilt, you have no fear, you just float for those few minutes until you decide that the "you" identity you have assumed in reality is okay and needs you back in charge. I don't retreat for long. I snap back pretty quickly. I'm actually afraid to st

How many people reading this blog feel they're not good enough? You might be asking, Good enough for what? Fair question, but for me it's an across the board answer: I never feel good enough about anything, whether it's writing, cooking, grooming my dogs, or anything that involves a skill or talent. I always make comparisons, and this is one thing that Recovery Inc.(based in Chicago, IL) tells you not to do. I make comparisons with appearance, scholarship, humor ability--you name it and I've done it. But there's one comparison I've never made, and that's using the Recovery Method. I am just as good as the average member of  Recovery. Developed by Dr. Abraham Low, an American psychiatrist, Recovery is a self-help program that uses peers to effect change and relief from symptoms. Nervous patients are invited to support groups that meet weekly throughout the country. It costs nothing and gives a lot in return. Every meeting is conducted in a sim

I love my first name--Janice--but hate my last name--Arenofsky. One sounds like a Gothic romance; the other sounds like a Russian biography. I think it's important that you like your name since you're using it every day and others know you by that moniker.  What can you do if you hate your name? Well, you can legally change it. Or use your maiden (family surname) name. If I chose the latter, I would be known as Janice Moster, which was what I used all through high school and college. At first when I wrote humor I planned to use the Moster part as my surname. I was afraid that if I used Arenofsky, people would either not realize I was being humorous at times or would believe that all my magazine articles were funny and not realize the content was often serious. So I bit the bullet and now I'm Janice Arenofsky, for better or worse. But back to the self-esteem issue. Some people are so low in confidence that their name rankles them. I wonder about a third-grader I once t

Since I started this blog a few months ago, I've been reading the humorous memoirs of other writers. I was curious what they spoke about, how much they confided to their readership, etc. Most of the memoirs reveal insecurities, bad decisions, and other frailties, but one writer admits to having great self esteem. And I believe she is correct in her self assessment. The more I thought about this strength, the greater my envy grew. I've always wanted to earn self esteem but I've thrown down so many obstacles in my path that I'd have to be an Amazon to hurdle them. Of course many psychiatrists have told me that people don't have to "earn" self esteem--it's part of the package of being human. You get free will, usually a fairly healthy body and a brain that respects your abilities and accepts your defects. I must have gotten onto the wrong line when "esteem packages" were being handed out since ever since I was a kid, I've lacked confid

I'm disgustingly average. I can get off on someone else's medical misery, say a hip replacement or orthopedic surgery, but I'm god-awful afraid when it comes to my own health woes. Which is why I don't go to the doctor too often or submit to colonoscopies, MRIs, mammograms, urinalysis, gynecological exams, bloodwork, or any other 21st century diagnostic tool.  I figure the less information collected, the less everyone has to worry about. And it works for me, except in the area of dermatology.When I was younger, I cried and carried on--and also went regularly to the dermatologist--due to acne. And it wasn't the easy, primetime Hollywood type where you look in the mirror and see a zitz and say, "oh my!" and squash it with a tweezer or something equally unhygienic. Oh no, I had to get the full-blown variety. I never actually counted the number of pimples or blackheads, but they had to fight for room on my face. It was what you'd call a mob scene. Natur

Forgiveness rather than revenge has recently become a hot topic, and most religions and philosophies side with forgiveness. Revenge is rejected as being unChristian, bestial and a bygone behavior that existed in earlier centuries. Now the trend is to forgive almost everything, although some people still reserve the right to reject the perpetrators of, for instance, the Nazi Holocaust in the 1930s and 1940s and 9/11 in NYC. Naturally forgiveness has a variety of definitions, but the one we will use here maintains that there is no forgiveness unless the person apologizes and takes responsibility for whatever misbehavior occurred. As I mentioned earlier, in the case of my sib, I do not expect that I will ever confer forgiveness on her because she basically laughs off the idea of a sincere apology. She thought that by repeating meaningless words of apology to "satisfy" my "weird" need that she could get us back on an even footing. I'm not sure her motives for recon

OCS is not the same as narcissism although the syndrome may bear a resemblance. Narcissism is not as comprehensive as OCS. OCS affects more than the person who has it. It extends to the people around you whether they are relatives, friends, colleagues or strangers whereas narcissism restricts itself to the affected person. Also, OCS, as I stated previously, is not in any official medical tome. If you find it at all on the Internet, it will be described as those situations in which families actually have only one child. Experts may describe the pros and cons of being an only child such as not having to share a parent's attention or material possessions or lacking another person to act as caretaker when parents get older. Only Child syndrome, as we define it, refers to the mindset of a person rather than his or her lack of or number of siblings. Another aspect of OCS that is unique is that it describes a syndrome that can affect a child or an adult. It is not limited to children.