I have six #schnauzers, but even when I had fewer pooches, I sometimes had to ask myself, Who did it? I'm talking poop here, and, yes, I'm also talking blame (see my previous self-blame blog) My #dogs are housebroken, but sometimes for whatever reason--#dietary upset, illness, gas, or just for kicks--one of them will have what we like to graciously call an "accident." It's usually in the dining room or living room, but in reality, it can happen almost anywhere.
Worse is vomit because not only does it stink like poop, but it's usually runny and scattered with the obscene "delicacies" that dog has consumed--leaves, twigs, bird feathers, stones, peach pits, the list goes on and on. Not to put too fine a point on the vomit aspect, I have been known to allow the dog to re-consume a regurgitated meal if the vomit appears to be essentially food and not represent something recognizable from the categories of #animal, #vegetable or mineral--like, for instance, part of a baby bird, rose petal, or piece of stucco. I know that sounds #horrible, but so is eating sushi, and you know how that fad has taken off.
However, whether it's poop or vomit, the real #challenge is figuring out which #dog produced it. Since deep in their doggie cerebellums, they know that excretion and upchucking in the house are not acceptable, they tend to do it quietly, almost on the sly. Outside, however, the dog is much more assertive and even proud of his abilities. He puts on a dramatic huff-and-puff performance usually giving a few preliminary heaves before emptying the contents of his stomach. Inside the house, he's like a mime. No sounds, but suddenly you look up from your computer or crossword puzzle and it's there: this amorphous blob of whatever. Sometimes I have to actually smell it to decide which end it came from. But at least I can solve that puzzle fairly easily.
A bigger question is who done it? Ranting and raving as fact-finding is purely a waste of time, though the dog does find it entertaining. Your high-pitched screams or ugly threats will only deplete your store of energy, and the dog may sulk or pout as a result, but he will never divulge the culprit. Over the years I've learned to do a Sherlock Holmes.Physical clues abound if you only take the time and have the stomach to analyze them. Watching several episodes of TV's "Forensics" is good preparation for those with a scientific bent, but the rest of us pet owners need an easier template.
What you must do first is assemble the cast of likely suspects. Note the color of the repellent blob (the poop, not the dog). It can be very telling. Some foods after their trip through the alimentary canal retain their original color, thus are easy to match up with the appropriate pooch. Of course this tip is only for the crazies who individualize their meals per dog. The rest of us must use all our senses. A quick look at the dog's muzzle and a poke with a stick (again, I'm talking about the poop, not the dog) can solve the puzzle in no time flat, especially if Rover has been mowing the crabgrass,
Why am I going on and on about poop and vomit?
The lesson, my dear Watson, is by using objectivity, you can subvert anger or any other strong emotion. By asking and answering various questions, I have saved my sanity and administered healthy discipline to the appropriate dog. That being said, just clean up the mess for heaven's sake and get on with life--that's a good doggie!
Worse is vomit because not only does it stink like poop, but it's usually runny and scattered with the obscene "delicacies" that dog has consumed--leaves, twigs, bird feathers, stones, peach pits, the list goes on and on. Not to put too fine a point on the vomit aspect, I have been known to allow the dog to re-consume a regurgitated meal if the vomit appears to be essentially food and not represent something recognizable from the categories of #animal, #vegetable or mineral--like, for instance, part of a baby bird, rose petal, or piece of stucco. I know that sounds #horrible, but so is eating sushi, and you know how that fad has taken off.
However, whether it's poop or vomit, the real #challenge is figuring out which #dog produced it. Since deep in their doggie cerebellums, they know that excretion and upchucking in the house are not acceptable, they tend to do it quietly, almost on the sly. Outside, however, the dog is much more assertive and even proud of his abilities. He puts on a dramatic huff-and-puff performance usually giving a few preliminary heaves before emptying the contents of his stomach. Inside the house, he's like a mime. No sounds, but suddenly you look up from your computer or crossword puzzle and it's there: this amorphous blob of whatever. Sometimes I have to actually smell it to decide which end it came from. But at least I can solve that puzzle fairly easily.
A bigger question is who done it? Ranting and raving as fact-finding is purely a waste of time, though the dog does find it entertaining. Your high-pitched screams or ugly threats will only deplete your store of energy, and the dog may sulk or pout as a result, but he will never divulge the culprit. Over the years I've learned to do a Sherlock Holmes.Physical clues abound if you only take the time and have the stomach to analyze them. Watching several episodes of TV's "Forensics" is good preparation for those with a scientific bent, but the rest of us pet owners need an easier template.
What you must do first is assemble the cast of likely suspects. Note the color of the repellent blob (the poop, not the dog). It can be very telling. Some foods after their trip through the alimentary canal retain their original color, thus are easy to match up with the appropriate pooch. Of course this tip is only for the crazies who individualize their meals per dog. The rest of us must use all our senses. A quick look at the dog's muzzle and a poke with a stick (again, I'm talking about the poop, not the dog) can solve the puzzle in no time flat, especially if Rover has been mowing the crabgrass,
Why am I going on and on about poop and vomit?
The lesson, my dear Watson, is by using objectivity, you can subvert anger or any other strong emotion. By asking and answering various questions, I have saved my sanity and administered healthy discipline to the appropriate dog. That being said, just clean up the mess for heaven's sake and get on with life--that's a good doggie!
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