Before you go assuming that my sib is the only OCS person I know and have contact with, let me put your mind at ease. The OCS person--whether child or adult--is as common as cockroaches and come to think of it, they're just as hearty. I've been told by entomologists that if Russia, Iran, or North Korea don't play nice and we end up suffering through a nuclear winter, there will still be cockroaches to feast on. Happy thought!
I guess it would follow that OCS humans would be the first homosapiens to return to Earth.
As I was planning to say before I interrupted myself, I had a friend for more than 25 years who was an OCS. Of course for most of that time I was ignorant of this because I was either just plain stupid or I have a propensity to associate with self-absorbed people. I have a sneaking suspicion that I could be both, but that's my depression talking and I'd really like to give it the day off. So we can safely say that Toni, the friend I've known forever, fooled me for a long time. I'd like to think that I put up with her self-indulgent ways because I was living vicariously through her--her exploits were often exciting and unusual. Also, she had a good sense of humor and didn't directly criticize me. For instance while I was in NJ worrying if my mom was a prospective candidate for Alzheimers or, if she was lucky, Mild Cognitive Impairment, I called Toni and told her to come visit us in East Brunswick.
What with all the stress of my father's passing and this new and dangerous possibility of MCI, I invited Toni for another reason: She chain smoked and I knew I could bum a few cigarettes from her. I was that nervous that I had temporarily returned to an old habit. Also, I could get her objective opinion about my mother--for example, I could ask if a normal crone might repeat herself or was she an elderly woman with MCI ?
(I forgot to mention that when I first arrived at my mother's condo, she didn't recognize me at the door. I hadn't changed the color of my hair or had any recent plastic surgery so that scared the shit out of me but after the cleaning woman and I kept repeating "it's Janice, it's Janice" a few times, Mom acquiesced and agreed that I was her daughter from Arizona.) On the arrival of Toni, we go outside and smoke a few cigarettes while I enlighten her about my mother's new behaviors. Toni may be OCS, but she's optimistic. So she reassures me that Mom is okay. I don't believe her, but I'm willing to remain at this level of denial for a while. Toni also likes to have fun, which is another reason I put up with Toni-monologues for 25 years. She suggests getting ice cream, I opt for IHOP and quicker than a stripper pulling off her pasties, we're sitting in a booth at IHOP eating fudge sundaes.
I've held onto this memory not because it was so unusual (Toni went on and on about training to become a motivational speaker), but because it's one of the last pleasant memories I have of my mother as a normal functioning adult and Toni as an OCS with affective disorders. After that IHOP experience Toni and I mainly continued our relationship via telephone. The format of these conversations went pretty much like this:
Toni: Hi Janice
Me: Hi Toni
Toni: How's life treating you?
Me: All right, I guess. Could be better, could be worse. What about you?
Toni: (This is when she normally grabbed onto a subject such as her bitch of a relative, her mother's blatant favortism, her husband's workaholism, her stupid therapist, etc.
You probably get the picture by now. Her OCS manifested itself as a continual gripe session about a friend or relative. It usually lasted about 30 minutes at which point I would give my unsolicited opinion (which she never followed) and explain that I had to go feed the dogs--I'd talk to her again soon.
This pattern persisted over so many years that I probably changed my hair color at least three times and gained 25 pounds. Why then did I continue the relationship? Well, I just couldn't bear the thought of losing another person even if she wasn't funny anymore and didn't show any interest in my life.
Actually I eventually had no choice but to end it. My meds had stopped working, and I went into a deep depression where I didn't talk to anyone but my husband and shrink.. I just quit answering the phone. I could do this because I was working on a book and the editors always communicated by email. I suspect the reason was some corporate decision about trimming down expenses regarding writers--not just lowering book advances and distributing fewer copies but also outlawing those "exorbitant" out-of-state calls for emotional support and human interaction. But more on my career at a future date.
So Toni was erased from my life due to depression, and when I felt better I just never wanted to re-start our relationship because I realized I was getting nothing from it. The scales were out of kilter, and my end of the scale was so low as to be virtually nonexistent. I do feel bad that I haven't returned any of her hundreds of calls, but I had to trim my OCS exposure somehow and Toni was as good a place to begin as anyone.
I guess it would follow that OCS humans would be the first homosapiens to return to Earth.
As I was planning to say before I interrupted myself, I had a friend for more than 25 years who was an OCS. Of course for most of that time I was ignorant of this because I was either just plain stupid or I have a propensity to associate with self-absorbed people. I have a sneaking suspicion that I could be both, but that's my depression talking and I'd really like to give it the day off. So we can safely say that Toni, the friend I've known forever, fooled me for a long time. I'd like to think that I put up with her self-indulgent ways because I was living vicariously through her--her exploits were often exciting and unusual. Also, she had a good sense of humor and didn't directly criticize me. For instance while I was in NJ worrying if my mom was a prospective candidate for Alzheimers or, if she was lucky, Mild Cognitive Impairment, I called Toni and told her to come visit us in East Brunswick.
What with all the stress of my father's passing and this new and dangerous possibility of MCI, I invited Toni for another reason: She chain smoked and I knew I could bum a few cigarettes from her. I was that nervous that I had temporarily returned to an old habit. Also, I could get her objective opinion about my mother--for example, I could ask if a normal crone might repeat herself or was she an elderly woman with MCI ?
(I forgot to mention that when I first arrived at my mother's condo, she didn't recognize me at the door. I hadn't changed the color of my hair or had any recent plastic surgery so that scared the shit out of me but after the cleaning woman and I kept repeating "it's Janice, it's Janice" a few times, Mom acquiesced and agreed that I was her daughter from Arizona.) On the arrival of Toni, we go outside and smoke a few cigarettes while I enlighten her about my mother's new behaviors. Toni may be OCS, but she's optimistic. So she reassures me that Mom is okay. I don't believe her, but I'm willing to remain at this level of denial for a while. Toni also likes to have fun, which is another reason I put up with Toni-monologues for 25 years. She suggests getting ice cream, I opt for IHOP and quicker than a stripper pulling off her pasties, we're sitting in a booth at IHOP eating fudge sundaes.
I've held onto this memory not because it was so unusual (Toni went on and on about training to become a motivational speaker), but because it's one of the last pleasant memories I have of my mother as a normal functioning adult and Toni as an OCS with affective disorders. After that IHOP experience Toni and I mainly continued our relationship via telephone. The format of these conversations went pretty much like this:
Toni: Hi Janice
Me: Hi Toni
Toni: How's life treating you?
Me: All right, I guess. Could be better, could be worse. What about you?
Toni: (This is when she normally grabbed onto a subject such as her bitch of a relative, her mother's blatant favortism, her husband's workaholism, her stupid therapist, etc.
You probably get the picture by now. Her OCS manifested itself as a continual gripe session about a friend or relative. It usually lasted about 30 minutes at which point I would give my unsolicited opinion (which she never followed) and explain that I had to go feed the dogs--I'd talk to her again soon.
This pattern persisted over so many years that I probably changed my hair color at least three times and gained 25 pounds. Why then did I continue the relationship? Well, I just couldn't bear the thought of losing another person even if she wasn't funny anymore and didn't show any interest in my life.
Actually I eventually had no choice but to end it. My meds had stopped working, and I went into a deep depression where I didn't talk to anyone but my husband and shrink.. I just quit answering the phone. I could do this because I was working on a book and the editors always communicated by email. I suspect the reason was some corporate decision about trimming down expenses regarding writers--not just lowering book advances and distributing fewer copies but also outlawing those "exorbitant" out-of-state calls for emotional support and human interaction. But more on my career at a future date.
So Toni was erased from my life due to depression, and when I felt better I just never wanted to re-start our relationship because I realized I was getting nothing from it. The scales were out of kilter, and my end of the scale was so low as to be virtually nonexistent. I do feel bad that I haven't returned any of her hundreds of calls, but I had to trim my OCS exposure somehow and Toni was as good a place to begin as anyone.
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