By the time the OCS person has reached the age of majority, he has developed a self-nurturing lifestyle that can mimic caring. Don't be fooled. This is mere pretense. OCS people do not change their modis operandi. Underneath that calm, smiling exterior lies repressed animosity and it surfaces in subtle ways. Take, for instance, my sib. As a twenty-something, I go to a singles dance and meet a neat guy who's in med school but also working in a pharmacy. For some reason we land back at my house, and I foolishly introduce him to my mother and sib. Anyone with half a brain could see I was attracted to this guy and wanted some "alone" time with him, but my sib monopolizes him, and somehow this would-be romantic opportunity runs aground.
On the surface the OCS sib appears to be acting hospitably, but there's a flirty quality to the conversation that I pick up on.If my mother, who is also in the den where we have congregated, notices anything, I would be surprised. Although married, my sib still wants the attention of every male in a 200 foot radius. The fact that I attracted this guy only ups the ante. She cannot stand playing the role of a doting older sister; this is not part of her personality. She must compete at all costs and steal this guy's interest right from under my nose. She succeeds. I never hear from him again. (Please note that this insight into my OCS sib came in hindsight--about 20 or so years after the actual event.)
Another example that I fail to accurately interpret at the time takes place at an engagement party to which the entire family is invited. By this time my married OCS sib has two small children and a husband with a respectable profession. They join the party--my engagement party--but my OCS sib spends the majority of the evening fake worrying about her children, who are home with the babysitter. She disturbs what should be a joyful evening for me and my fiance and turns the focus on her and her manufactured problem. To guarantee that everyone is distracted from my celebration, the OCS sib calls her home every hour or so and makes sure all the guests overhear her remarks. If she was really that worried, she would have returned home, but, no, how can she live up to her reputation as an OCS adult if she goes home.
At the time I was annoyed at my OCS sib's behavior but I never attributed it to a competitive drive that surpassed all other appropriate emotions. I thought it was thoughtless of her to put a damper on an evening I had looked forward to, but I never believed she saw me as a potential threat to her own self worth.
From here on in, think "subtle." What other OCS-induced behaviors can you look forward to? Family photos mysteriously disappearing from the parental home, for one thing. For the OCS adult possession is not only nine-tenths of the law but also proof positive that she calls the shots in this family. Other behaviors? Snide remarks about career goals like "It's good that you know your limitations. You're just too nice to your dogs--that's why they act up at shows." Backhanded compliments ("See, you finally followed my advice and succeeded") are common as are omissions of honors such as an invitation to be the god mother of your niece or not calling or seeing to wish a sister and brother-in-law to wish them well in their out-of-state move.
Next time we'll profile one OCS adult and brainstorm possible ways to mitigate the damages.
On the surface the OCS sib appears to be acting hospitably, but there's a flirty quality to the conversation that I pick up on.If my mother, who is also in the den where we have congregated, notices anything, I would be surprised. Although married, my sib still wants the attention of every male in a 200 foot radius. The fact that I attracted this guy only ups the ante. She cannot stand playing the role of a doting older sister; this is not part of her personality. She must compete at all costs and steal this guy's interest right from under my nose. She succeeds. I never hear from him again. (Please note that this insight into my OCS sib came in hindsight--about 20 or so years after the actual event.)
Another example that I fail to accurately interpret at the time takes place at an engagement party to which the entire family is invited. By this time my married OCS sib has two small children and a husband with a respectable profession. They join the party--my engagement party--but my OCS sib spends the majority of the evening fake worrying about her children, who are home with the babysitter. She disturbs what should be a joyful evening for me and my fiance and turns the focus on her and her manufactured problem. To guarantee that everyone is distracted from my celebration, the OCS sib calls her home every hour or so and makes sure all the guests overhear her remarks. If she was really that worried, she would have returned home, but, no, how can she live up to her reputation as an OCS adult if she goes home.
At the time I was annoyed at my OCS sib's behavior but I never attributed it to a competitive drive that surpassed all other appropriate emotions. I thought it was thoughtless of her to put a damper on an evening I had looked forward to, but I never believed she saw me as a potential threat to her own self worth.
From here on in, think "subtle." What other OCS-induced behaviors can you look forward to? Family photos mysteriously disappearing from the parental home, for one thing. For the OCS adult possession is not only nine-tenths of the law but also proof positive that she calls the shots in this family. Other behaviors? Snide remarks about career goals like "It's good that you know your limitations. You're just too nice to your dogs--that's why they act up at shows." Backhanded compliments ("See, you finally followed my advice and succeeded") are common as are omissions of honors such as an invitation to be the god mother of your niece or not calling or seeing to wish a sister and brother-in-law to wish them well in their out-of-state move.
Next time we'll profile one OCS adult and brainstorm possible ways to mitigate the damages.
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