The Dysfunctional Family

As I've said before, recognizing the OCS child is the first step to attaining or improving your mental health. Allowing OCS teens to carry out agendas secretly is a recipe for disaster. You may be affected negatively as well as other relatives. Let me share an example from my own life. I never realized my sister's ulterior motives until I was an adult and even then, I hesitated, preferring to believe that yes, she did not cultivate a close relationship with me and yes, she never said anything positive about me to my face, and yes, she took no interest in my life goals and events. But I blamed my parents instead of her. I wanted so badly to have a sibling to confide in that I overlooked obvious signs of disinterest on her part until it all came tumbling down on me when my parents became ill. It should have been self-evident to me when my sister was a teen that she had OCS. When her girlfriends came over the house she would gather them into her bedroom. I followed along and h...

The OCS child takes a giant step during these years. He intends to be all things to all people. This helps him widen his social circle and reach new heights of popularity. His goal is to strive for exceptionality with a minimum of effort so he will pursue a number of expensive hobbies and sports that yield certificates, prizes and badges. When he feels that he has acquired enough material symbols of his prowess, he will drop these activities without explanation. He then will move on to other challenges like playing the accordion or joining Scouts. His parents are the center of his universe, and any siblings will be quietly ignored. He may fantasize about eradicating them from the face of the earth but he knows his parents would not approve of this move so he exerts maximum control on himself and funnels his annoyance into constructive projects like decorating cupcakes or planting sunflowers. However on the sly he teases, bullies and reprimands his siblings, all the while honing skills...

Until you recognize OCS in others, you are helpless to defend yourself against the tactics of children and/or adults conditioned to be Number One at all times. If you can't see it, you can't fix it. As an aid to pinpointing symptoms, here's a look into the typical OCS personality. For one thing, the OCS infant rarely cries, whines or beats his fists in rage. He usually sleeps contentedly through the night, awakening in the morning with playful laughter as he or she gazes upward at pastel-colored butterfly mobiles hanging above his crib. This joyful behavior is intended to appeal to the parents' desire for an "easy" baby--one that makes few demands on parental time and contributes to the overall contentment of the household. The OCS baby laughs delightfully when given a bath or hair wash and is amenable to breast feeding or bottle. Easy to burp--he never hoards uncomfortable gases--the OCS baby never has colic and prefers to keep his food inside his stomach i...

For readers who haven't been following this blog regularly or for those who, like me, stow psychological terms away in special areas of the brain where they are difficult to access, I'd like to start out by defining just what OCS, also known as Only Child Syndrome, is. First, please note that I have coined this term from personal experience and observation of many relationships. You won't find it in the DSM or Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, but that's merely an oversight that the health profession will one day hopefully correct. One application of the term is for siblings who act as if the world revolves around them and do not acknowledge having brothers or sisters because this would mean giving up their "star" quality in the family. Another application is more general. OCS can indicate any individual so narcissistic and self-involved that you would swear on a stack of bibles that the person was raised in an only-child home. Thus this...

If you read the #Diagnostic and #Statistical Manual of #Mental Disorders, which is the psychiatric bible for those in the helping professions, you see a lot of medications. Google those medications and you'll pull up some fascinating side effects: impotence, headaches, nausea, #fatigue. The list goes on and on. Ad #nauseum. I've had a few side effects, which often border on the comical. On one antidepressant I had extremely vivid dreams. They involved a lot of physical movement, and several times I fell off the bed onto our tiled floor. Ouch! I have been really lucky not to have hit my head. I wouldn't want to complicate my chronic depression with a TBI. My husband joked that I should wear one of those bicycle helmets---at least I think he was joking--but with a change in antidepressants, the exciting, #aerobic-stimulating dreams vanished. I wouldn't have minded nearly as much if they were fun dreams like necking with Pierce Brosnan or sipping Merlot with Jerry Seinfel...

In a small oaken display case sitting in the hallway near my bedroom is a #shrine of sorts. It's not absurdly #morbid or over-#sentimentalized, but it does contain the cremains of all the pets I've cared for during my #marriage. If I continue to live on, there will eventually be eight more containers to add to the ones already there. The containers all are unique in that some are bedecked with favorite toys, leashes, and collars, and others have a winter coat or sympathy cards lying alongside. The cremains themselves are in separate receptacles, some plastic, others metal. Most are small since they house the ashes of cats and #schnauzers, small creatures that take up little space in the real world and even less space in the in #memoriam world. The #crypts give me some comfort, but nothing really takes the place of a kiss on a wet nose or a #vigorous shake of water from a terrier just out of the tub. One worry I have is not outliving my pets. In that case, we really don't ...

Most #shrinks would discourage their clients' attempts to live vicariously--for instance, watching 1,200 slides of someone's trip to #Romania instead of getting on a plane and going there yourself. And I'd have to agree with a lot of the #objections. Taking risks and venturing into the unknown builds character much more than sitting #safely in your room and ruminating about sky diving, water skiing, or alpine climbing. But once in a while living #vicariously is a great way to taunt someone and at the same time identify with another individual's #expertise. Junior high provided several occasions for this. After all, most kids that age have not yet reached the point where cliques and social status define their role in the educational hierarchy.To put it simply, eighth and ninth graders have more of a pack mentality than their elders (high schoolers). Their cohesiveness permits them to agree to perform various group #behaviors that can complicate the lives of teachers. I...