As I've said before, recognizing the OCS child is the first step to attaining or improving your mental health. Allowing OCS teens to carry out agendas secretly is a recipe for disaster. You may be affected negatively as well as other relatives. Let me share an example from my own life.
I never realized my sister's ulterior motives until I was an adult and even then, I hesitated, preferring to believe that yes, she did not cultivate a close relationship with me and yes, she never said anything positive about me to my face, and yes, she took no interest in my life goals and events. But I blamed my parents instead of her. I wanted so badly to have a sibling to confide in that I overlooked obvious signs of disinterest on her part until it all came tumbling down on me when my parents became ill.
It should have been self-evident to me when my sister was a teen that she had OCS. When her girlfriends came over the house she would gather them into her bedroom. I followed along and her friends never seemed to mind my presence. But my sibling did. She would shoot me dirty looks, which I chose to ignore. Once her BFF came over, and she had to take me along on a ride in the friend's convertible because she was the babysitter. It wasn't responsibility that motivated her decision. She knew that I'd end up telling my parents and she'd get one less star on her chest.
Junior high was when my OCD and depression/anxiety really surfaced. I was out of school for a few months and seeing a psychologist (she was clueless about my problems, but that's another story).
One evening I heard my sibling reading the riot act to my parents, complaining that all the stress in the house due to me was affecting her studies and that was why she didn't get a high grade on an Algebra test. Even if it were true (which it wasn't) the depth of sympathy or empathy on her part was so thin you couldn't even see it going down the drain. I was having my first NBD and she was worried about her GPA,
During that critical time she never said a kind word or tried to lift my spirits in any way.That, my friends, is the quintessential profile of the OCS teen. As for sharing secrets or confidences, you couldn't get her to share a pimple with you. The OCS teen directs all conversation to the parents, bypassing sibs entirely. If you should contribute an opinion at the dinner table, the OCS teen will either ignore or derogate your comment. If a parent should reprimand the OCS teen for his or her overt dislike, the OCS teen will apologize (insincerely) and then continue on the same track.
Please do not confuse these behaviors with "normal" sibling rivalry. Normal sibs interact for good and for bad, but the OCS teen refuses to acknowledge the sib for any reason whatsoever (maybe even in 9-1-1 emergencies, but I haven't tested that theory) and does this through three main methods: no exchange of conversation; no questions about you to parents; and no interest in sharing anything, including communicating tips on dress, PSATs, and colleges; attracting the opposite sex, and choosing a career.
Take a few moments and reflect on those around you who may operate as OCS threats. You may think they're just harmless and spoiled, but harmless and spoiled people don't revel when your dates turn out to be jerks and they don't fantasize what life would be like if you only committed suicide!
I never realized my sister's ulterior motives until I was an adult and even then, I hesitated, preferring to believe that yes, she did not cultivate a close relationship with me and yes, she never said anything positive about me to my face, and yes, she took no interest in my life goals and events. But I blamed my parents instead of her. I wanted so badly to have a sibling to confide in that I overlooked obvious signs of disinterest on her part until it all came tumbling down on me when my parents became ill.
It should have been self-evident to me when my sister was a teen that she had OCS. When her girlfriends came over the house she would gather them into her bedroom. I followed along and her friends never seemed to mind my presence. But my sibling did. She would shoot me dirty looks, which I chose to ignore. Once her BFF came over, and she had to take me along on a ride in the friend's convertible because she was the babysitter. It wasn't responsibility that motivated her decision. She knew that I'd end up telling my parents and she'd get one less star on her chest.
Junior high was when my OCD and depression/anxiety really surfaced. I was out of school for a few months and seeing a psychologist (she was clueless about my problems, but that's another story).
One evening I heard my sibling reading the riot act to my parents, complaining that all the stress in the house due to me was affecting her studies and that was why she didn't get a high grade on an Algebra test. Even if it were true (which it wasn't) the depth of sympathy or empathy on her part was so thin you couldn't even see it going down the drain. I was having my first NBD and she was worried about her GPA,
During that critical time she never said a kind word or tried to lift my spirits in any way.That, my friends, is the quintessential profile of the OCS teen. As for sharing secrets or confidences, you couldn't get her to share a pimple with you. The OCS teen directs all conversation to the parents, bypassing sibs entirely. If you should contribute an opinion at the dinner table, the OCS teen will either ignore or derogate your comment. If a parent should reprimand the OCS teen for his or her overt dislike, the OCS teen will apologize (insincerely) and then continue on the same track.
Please do not confuse these behaviors with "normal" sibling rivalry. Normal sibs interact for good and for bad, but the OCS teen refuses to acknowledge the sib for any reason whatsoever (maybe even in 9-1-1 emergencies, but I haven't tested that theory) and does this through three main methods: no exchange of conversation; no questions about you to parents; and no interest in sharing anything, including communicating tips on dress, PSATs, and colleges; attracting the opposite sex, and choosing a career.
Take a few moments and reflect on those around you who may operate as OCS threats. You may think they're just harmless and spoiled, but harmless and spoiled people don't revel when your dates turn out to be jerks and they don't fantasize what life would be like if you only committed suicide!
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