The Dysfunctional Family

Since I started this blog a few months ago, I've been reading the humorous memoirs of other writers. I was curious what they spoke about, how much they confided to their readership, etc. Most of the memoirs reveal insecurities, bad decisions, and other frailties, but one writer admits to having great self esteem. And I believe she is correct in her self assessment. The more I thought about this strength, the greater my envy grew. I've always wanted to earn self esteem but I've thrown down so many obstacles in my path that I'd have to be an Amazon to hurdle them. Of course many psychiatrists have told me that people don't have to "earn" self esteem--it's part of the package of being human. You get free will, usually a fairly healthy body and a brain that respects your abilities and accepts your defects. I must have gotten onto the wrong line when "esteem packages" were being handed out since ever since I was a kid, I've lacked confid

I'm disgustingly average. I can get off on someone else's medical misery, say a hip replacement or orthopedic surgery, but I'm god-awful afraid when it comes to my own health woes. Which is why I don't go to the doctor too often or submit to colonoscopies, MRIs, mammograms, urinalysis, gynecological exams, bloodwork, or any other 21st century diagnostic tool.  I figure the less information collected, the less everyone has to worry about. And it works for me, except in the area of dermatology.When I was younger, I cried and carried on--and also went regularly to the dermatologist--due to acne. And it wasn't the easy, primetime Hollywood type where you look in the mirror and see a zitz and say, "oh my!" and squash it with a tweezer or something equally unhygienic. Oh no, I had to get the full-blown variety. I never actually counted the number of pimples or blackheads, but they had to fight for room on my face. It was what you'd call a mob scene. Natur

Forgiveness rather than revenge has recently become a hot topic, and most religions and philosophies side with forgiveness. Revenge is rejected as being unChristian, bestial and a bygone behavior that existed in earlier centuries. Now the trend is to forgive almost everything, although some people still reserve the right to reject the perpetrators of, for instance, the Nazi Holocaust in the 1930s and 1940s and 9/11 in NYC. Naturally forgiveness has a variety of definitions, but the one we will use here maintains that there is no forgiveness unless the person apologizes and takes responsibility for whatever misbehavior occurred. As I mentioned earlier, in the case of my sib, I do not expect that I will ever confer forgiveness on her because she basically laughs off the idea of a sincere apology. She thought that by repeating meaningless words of apology to "satisfy" my "weird" need that she could get us back on an even footing. I'm not sure her motives for recon

OCS is not the same as narcissism although the syndrome may bear a resemblance. Narcissism is not as comprehensive as OCS. OCS affects more than the person who has it. It extends to the people around you whether they are relatives, friends, colleagues or strangers whereas narcissism restricts itself to the affected person. Also, OCS, as I stated previously, is not in any official medical tome. If you find it at all on the Internet, it will be described as those situations in which families actually have only one child. Experts may describe the pros and cons of being an only child such as not having to share a parent's attention or material possessions or lacking another person to act as caretaker when parents get older. Only Child syndrome, as we define it, refers to the mindset of a person rather than his or her lack of or number of siblings. Another aspect of OCS that is unique is that it describes a syndrome that can affect a child or an adult. It is not limited to children.

It's possible that you  yoursel can be an OCS person or at least have those tendencies. Don't place blame or get angry. You might have been lured into this mindset by a helicoptering parent, the lack of other siblings, or some other factor. First, make sure that you are an OCS by asking yourself these five key questions: Do I steer most conversations so they're about me? Do I ignore other people's gripes about me? Do I have difficulty making friends? Do I accept responsibility for my actions? How do I react when people criticize me? If you're an OCS person with a depressive or anxious temperament, you may act a little differently than the usual OCS adult. For instance, a former woman friend with OCS also had ADD. The ADD often made her depressed because she never seemed to be able to settle on one career. She would start studying for one area, then find herself interested in something else, but when a friend or therapist told her she was undermining her own

For those of you with an OCS sibling, cousin, or other relative or friend, I've gathered together a few techniques that may help you. Keep in mind that like any disease or negative  characteristic, the earlier you find it, the better you are able to cope with it. And depending on the personality or temperament of your OCS child or adult, some techniques may not work as well as others. Here are the 10 most effective methods of dealing with an OCS child or adult: 1. Do not allow this person to hog the conversation to the point where you're saying virtually nothing. OCS people love to talk about themselves and the sooner you communicate that you have limits (psychologists call them boundaries), the better you are. I remember that I took "politeness" to a ridiculous new high when I listened for a good 15 minutes to my sister's explanation of the card game bridge. I told her I wasn't interested in learning this game, but she tuned out and monologued. Also, be p

While the wife is mulling over her marriage, she recognizes that her husband is an OCS adult. This syndrome has affected her marriage as well as her life choices and those of her children/............... Her awareness of her husband's OCS gives her an advantage, and she depends on pre-emptive strikes to eliminate most of his worst behaviors. And now the children are adults who also have knowledge of their father's OCS status. Who are these family members? Some of you may have already guessed correctly. These relatives are none other than my mother, father, OCS sister and myself. Although my mother knew my dad's potential for doing harm, as she grew older and more secure, she found coping ways to handle my dad. As a result, his behaviors were not as harmful as they might have been. For instance, when I had the chance to take a six-week summer trip to Europe, my dad said no initially. But my mom helped him understand that being away from family for a lengthy time was some