Another Weekend Shot to Hell

This time it was a toothache, but other times, it's been a sick pet, sick spouse, rainy days on the Jersey seashore, studying for exams (that never did me any good), or taking a vacation with someone you thought was sane but turned out to be as wacky as a three-dollar bill. Like most ugly wastes of time, this tooth thing snuck up on me with a little subtle gnawing that gathered steam and morphed into a grinding, throbbing burst of pain that continued over two days. You know, Saturday and Sunday, when you're supposed to be enjoying other stuff, like Netflix, watching your cat play with a fake banana, or dreaming of sex. All the ibuprofen and cold packs in the world couldn't break the chain of pain. And I'm a whiner. When I hurt, everyone knows it. I was terrible with menstrual cramps. Every month like clockwork, the cramps conspired to gang up on me (Hey, what do you want to do with her this time? Make her cry? Immobilize her in bed with a hot water bottle?). Didn't matter that I had a date or had a Bar Mitzvah to attend. The cramps eclipsed all that and ouch, ouch, ouched their way through my tummy in waves of obnoxiously bloody I-got-you-Babe torments. I bet you've got a portfolio full of wasted times too. I don't just mean when your body fails you. How about when people let you down? Remember the girl/boyfriend who called at the last minute to tell you she couldn't make the "fill in the blank event?" Or the dress that took you five days and 25 stores to find, but now after too many jelly rolls and a Krispy Kreme or two fits like a body bag. What a waste of time hunting high and low for that wardrobe ensemble. Then there was the time you spent talking to a relative on the phone--three hours of careful counseling and decent advice. Then without as much as a thank you, this person goes out and does the complete opposite of what you recommended. Another humongous waste of time. And it doesn't help your ego either! Write in and tell me how you wasted time. Misery loves company and I'd love to hear about the time wasters that still persist in this digital age. You don't have to give your name--just the time when you planned one thing and the "time-wasting" gremlin laughed in your face and took over your life.

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