When I reflect on my #trip to Orlando, I realized that I laughed and had the most fun at the off-script happenings. Oh, yeah, Disney's Epcot, The Animal Kingdom, and Hollywood Studios were #enjoyable, especially the Avatar at Pandora with all its virtual effects and #Beauty and the #Beast with all its sing-along music and dance, not to mention its over-the-top frilly costumes. But what really made the vacation fun was being with friends unafraid to show their true selves and thus reveal all the silly mistakes we humans make every day.
Let me catalogue a few of the chuckles Rosa, George and I had during a week of living, eating, sleeping, and playing together. (Rosa and George are a #married couple I met in NJ during my mother's unfortunate stay in a nursing home.)
1. THE RAIN From the minute I stepped off the plane, every meteorologist and forecaster in the state of Florida predicted a deluge for the coming week. Something about a tropical storm or hurricane named Angelo stirring things up in the Gulf. Every night we'd hear some pessimistic report for tomorrow's weather, and we either had to wring our hands in despair or #laugh it off as just the #ignorant rantings of the misguided. (P.S. It never did rain in buckets, just an occasional shower.)
2. THE PACKING DEBACLE Getting ready to go, I did the worst packing job of my life. First off, I mistook a small can of air freshener for my deodorant--I can't explain it other than they were both blue with flowers dancing on their packages, so I guess you could say that stupidity was a factor. Then I brought a shower cap my husband had "borrowed once." It was so stretched out that you could have fit the whole state of Florida inside and still had room for the #Trump Tower. It didn't end there. The teensy-tiny cute tube of Colgate I brought was immune to squeezing, and at its best farted out a wee bit of air.No paste though. However, the worst blooper I made packing was mistaking my Garmin connector cord for my laptop's power cord. That meant that once I used up the battery power on my laptop, I couldn't recharge it. The other #blunders I could fix with a visit to Walmart, but this last one was a reminder to me that some jobs should not be done at night at 11 pm when you're exhausted from a full night of NetFlix.
3. THE LINES Everywhere I went I stood in a line--at the airport, at Disney theme parks, at Walmart, you name it and we were at the end of it. Rosa tried a fast one at Walmart. She saw a new cashier lighting up and tried to signal me over, but I was #babysitting the wagon somewhere near the do-it-yourselfers and didn't see her; when I did, I wheeled myself over to where she was standing, but the other wagoneers behind Rosa (who was standing her ground) were not having any of it. They shooed us away (a little bit rudely) and we had to find another not-too long line.
4. THE COST EFFECT Everything was twice as high as you would expect. The theme parks were over $100 each; parking cost nearly $25; and a lousy, stinking hot dog went for as much as $9. I didn't mind shelling out 25 percent more for the "Mickey Mouse" collars and leash I bought my dogs, but charging $5 for some fruity-tasting "dots" was pushing it. However it was fun to see the dots, which looked like something you'd put in your washing machine. And George, who is up there in years, was childishly happy shoveling them in his mouth.
5. LOST IN SPACE Even with the #GPS, we periodically got lost. Once I exited onto a different road from the one we'd come on and wound up going through suburbia searching for a way back to our condo. There wasn't any unless you got back on Rts 535, 4, 192--take your pick. Some streets had both numbers and names, and the GPS was not always consistent in identifying them. The funniest screw-up came the last day when Rosa mistakenly put her friend Connie's name into the GPS. It took the three of us nearly an hour to figure out that we were headed for Connie's Nail Salon, not Connie Lopez's beautiful new ranch house in Winter Garden. Along those same lines, finding our parked car was a joke too. We ended up taking pictures of the "location" (e.g. "villains 51").
6. ALL THUMBS Down at the airport I battled with the automatic check-in machine. It didn't like my credit card--probably because I was nervous about getting to the gate on time and kept inserting the card upside down. Finally I found the miracle alpha-numeric code I had received with my ticket and everything fell into place. But going through security was a big fat pain too: At one point, I forgot my cell phone was in my pocket and I set off the alarm; another time I just couldn't seem to unzip my lap top to prove it was really an electronic gadget and not a pound of cocaine. Finally the nice TSA agent grabbed the black carry-on case from me and just went zip, zip, zip. When he unveiled it, I think he was really disappointed. Confusion also set in when I tried to text my cleaning service not to come on Friday (when I was gone). The text wouldn't go through so I ended up calling my contact person, Daniela.....at 5 am. I forgot about the time change, and Daniela is an #efficient businesswoman, but she cracks the whip. I got a sampling of this strict discipline, which I guess I deserved: "What do you want, Janice," she said sleepily. All I could do was apologize but now I wonder if some revenge may be taken. Like maybe she'll "accidentally" break one of my husband's ironwood pieces, which I like to call Our Personal Mt. Rushmore. Also, because George is tired from driving nonstop from South Carolina to Florida, he insists I drive his Ford Explorer. I manage not to kill anyone but not before a fight with the emergency brake that I insist on using (blame it on high-school driver ed). When I finally find the brake, I realize it's in an inaccessible spot. Rosa also tells me George never uses it, so I copy his example.
7. #BUGS Before our airboat ride in a Kissimee swamp, the "stink bugs" attacked full force while we were waiting near the dock. Fortunately out on the water, the boat went so fast that these disgusting little critters couldn't keep up. But now I know why Floridians have screened in sun porches. The stink bugs coupled with mosquitoes must make for some challenging evenings.
8. PHOTOS Rosa took a million photos with her #iPhone, which is a little newer than mine. When we reviewed our images, we found out that we must be holding our fingers down too long because we have 10 pictures of the same person, place or thing. I ask Rosa to send some of her photos to my phone so that I have more to choose from, but because she's Rosa--and her mind is on 1,000 other things--she never gets around to e-mailing them. Oh well!
9. TRANSPORTATION #WOES I wind up walking around the whole perimeter of the Orlando International Airport and then Phoenix's Sky Harbor Airport before I find the taxi/shuttle station. When I do, the taxi driver quotes me an astronomical price heading toward the three digits, but I agree to it anyway since I'm so tired from walking.I'm happy to just sit back in the cab and relax for about 20 minutes. Meanwhile the cab driver tells me it's been raining for the past week (pity me, please!) and the tourism business has hit him hard. "#I lose money," he whines as we stop at the toll booth. I feel so bad about the lousy weather and his lack of an E-Z Pass that I tip him $10.
10. HOME #IMPROVEMENT CHANNELS Nighttimes we end up watching hours of home improvement shows such as "Love it or List It," and I actually enjoy them, especially when million-dollar lottery winners go out with realtors and purchase their dream homes after spending the remainder on hot sports cars and boats.
All in all, we had a great time, and George and Rosa declare that I'm welcome any time and any place their time share moves.
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