Now that I know the whole truth and nothing but the truth about my mom's will and my sib's crazed reaction to it, I still dislike her intensely, but I don't feel as depressed. (it's amazing what a little forced honesty can do.) Still, ever since the funeral, we have been officially estranged, and I like it that way. Sure, I miss not having a close relative to bear my soul to (as if I would choose the OCS sib to give away my most private thoughts!), but c'est la vie, right?
About six or seven years pass and we don't speak. But I still am able to gather information via Google and Facebook. I still exchange pleasantries with my niece on FB. She posts photos, and I'm able to get the latest comings and goings of the sib and her family. She even invites me to a few birthday parties, which of course I pass up. I'd have to have my head examined (which in fact I do on a monthly basis) to subject myself to the OCS sib and her tribe. Besides, I think this niece is trying to soften me up so that when I float off into that netherworld of which we know nothing I'll leave her and her kids my jewelry and other expensive worldly possessions. I don't think so.
Despite this weak link with my niece, I am genuinely surprised when out of the blue (it's always nice in Arizona), my sister calls. I wonder why she's contacted me, whether I should tape the call (it's legal in Arizona if one party knows about it), and what she knows or doesn't know about my life (she does look at my FB page). I sit back and let her talk. Soon I hear that she's tried of telling people she doesn't really have an extended family (poor dear!) and the estrangement is a bump in her road to Paradise. She's making her case pretty well when I stop her with one question: Are you saying that you're ready to apologize for making mother move nursing homes?
There's a slight pause and then the sib initiates a highly intricate dance in which on one hand she says she's sorry, but on the other hand, tries to laugh my question off. I do my best to give her enough rope to hang herself, but she's quite accomplished at never taking responsibility. Against my better judgment I agree to a detente and we catch up on what's going on.
A week or so later, after not hearing from my sib and fearing that I'm being used as a punching bag for her OCS, I begin to google and look at websites. I'm trying to find out why the sib and her husband don't have much to do with my sister-in-law, who like most people has a complicated history. But I always liked Fern. Why does my sib stay shutmouthed when I ask about Fern? After messaging a few people and asking them if they know why Fern has now been consigned to Siberia, I get a text from my sister. She's so controlling that she's up in arms about my investigation into Fern's estrangement. I text her back that I've done nothing much except try to get some information and what's the harm in that? What is she and her family afraid of?The rest of the conversation plays out like this:
Sib: Why are you doing this?
Me: Just want to get the whole picture.
Sib: Well, you need to stop with the snoopy questions and see your psychiatrist
Me: (She catches me in a vulnerable mood when I'm in between adjusting my meds due to depression and resenting the fact that I have mental health issues.) Drop dead!
Yes, that's just what I said (in a text), and by the time I uncover the phone number for Fern and finish interrogating her about the shenanigans surrounding her marriage, the death of her ex-husband, and, of course, her parents' estate, I have a pretty good idea why Fern isn't playing nice with her brother and my sib. The pair had raked Fern over the coals, much the way she had done to me. So why had I considered forgiving her when she had never really uttered a sincere apology? I can't give you a rational answer to this, but although my brain was on hiatus, my unconscious was hard at work. I realized I had been questioning Fern as a double check on the my OCS sib's moral compass. And right now it was pointed toward untrustworthy and heading toward EVIL.
No way was I going to effect a reconciliation with the sib--it was wishful thinking on my part and some type of manipulative move on hers. The estrangement would stay permanent--for my own protection and for the sake of my mental health.
Next chapter: Other OCS adults I have Met and Flushed Away
About six or seven years pass and we don't speak. But I still am able to gather information via Google and Facebook. I still exchange pleasantries with my niece on FB. She posts photos, and I'm able to get the latest comings and goings of the sib and her family. She even invites me to a few birthday parties, which of course I pass up. I'd have to have my head examined (which in fact I do on a monthly basis) to subject myself to the OCS sib and her tribe. Besides, I think this niece is trying to soften me up so that when I float off into that netherworld of which we know nothing I'll leave her and her kids my jewelry and other expensive worldly possessions. I don't think so.
Despite this weak link with my niece, I am genuinely surprised when out of the blue (it's always nice in Arizona), my sister calls. I wonder why she's contacted me, whether I should tape the call (it's legal in Arizona if one party knows about it), and what she knows or doesn't know about my life (she does look at my FB page). I sit back and let her talk. Soon I hear that she's tried of telling people she doesn't really have an extended family (poor dear!) and the estrangement is a bump in her road to Paradise. She's making her case pretty well when I stop her with one question: Are you saying that you're ready to apologize for making mother move nursing homes?
There's a slight pause and then the sib initiates a highly intricate dance in which on one hand she says she's sorry, but on the other hand, tries to laugh my question off. I do my best to give her enough rope to hang herself, but she's quite accomplished at never taking responsibility. Against my better judgment I agree to a detente and we catch up on what's going on.
A week or so later, after not hearing from my sib and fearing that I'm being used as a punching bag for her OCS, I begin to google and look at websites. I'm trying to find out why the sib and her husband don't have much to do with my sister-in-law, who like most people has a complicated history. But I always liked Fern. Why does my sib stay shutmouthed when I ask about Fern? After messaging a few people and asking them if they know why Fern has now been consigned to Siberia, I get a text from my sister. She's so controlling that she's up in arms about my investigation into Fern's estrangement. I text her back that I've done nothing much except try to get some information and what's the harm in that? What is she and her family afraid of?The rest of the conversation plays out like this:
Sib: Why are you doing this?
Me: Just want to get the whole picture.
Sib: Well, you need to stop with the snoopy questions and see your psychiatrist
Me: (She catches me in a vulnerable mood when I'm in between adjusting my meds due to depression and resenting the fact that I have mental health issues.) Drop dead!
Yes, that's just what I said (in a text), and by the time I uncover the phone number for Fern and finish interrogating her about the shenanigans surrounding her marriage, the death of her ex-husband, and, of course, her parents' estate, I have a pretty good idea why Fern isn't playing nice with her brother and my sib. The pair had raked Fern over the coals, much the way she had done to me. So why had I considered forgiving her when she had never really uttered a sincere apology? I can't give you a rational answer to this, but although my brain was on hiatus, my unconscious was hard at work. I realized I had been questioning Fern as a double check on the my OCS sib's moral compass. And right now it was pointed toward untrustworthy and heading toward EVIL.
No way was I going to effect a reconciliation with the sib--it was wishful thinking on my part and some type of manipulative move on hers. The estrangement would stay permanent--for my own protection and for the sake of my mental health.
Next chapter: Other OCS adults I have Met and Flushed Away
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