Although I am childfree because I feel it's the most rational way for me to live, I am not entirely ignorant about kids. I baby sat in my teens for many summers and taught third grade for more years than I should have.
The reason for spotting OCS kids as early as possible is simple. First, you're doing them a favor, and second, self-preservation. Take me for example. If you apply the ever-popular nature/nurture theory, then I was born with certain genetic propensities that created a second-class citizen mold--that is to say, I was destined genetically to lack self-confidence. However this genetic tendency was exacerbated due to my OCS sib. By the time she got done trampling over my lifeless body, I was ready to acquiesce to anything. In short I became a "yes" person in the family. I was smart enough to resent my sibling, but not smart enough to do anything much about her. Basically that was because I deferred to my parents in matters of discipline and decorum. When my parents failed to recognize the OCS child in our midst, I was hung out to dry. Their silence about some of her behaviors was tacit consent for her to continue on with her controlling ways. As a result, those behaviors helped mold a shy, timid child into a shy, timid adult.
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That's why I stress the importance of spotting the OCS kid quickly and stopping negative behaviors before they taint family relationships.
How do you now you're dealing with an OCS kid? Well, you could use the PIA (pain in the ass) doctrine, but you'd be wrong.You might think that the OCS kid is the one sliding down the school hallways (I recall one of those kids, and he was charismatic in an off-putting way) in an effort to attract attention. Not so! In my opinion as a former teacher, attention-seeking kids are insecure so they are ill disposed to become "king" of the household or classroom. Don't get me wrong--attention seekers are problem kids, but not in the same destructive ways as an OCS child.
By the time an OCS child gets to elementary school, he has passed through a series of challenges that fall into such categories as academic/intelligence, socialization and bio-physical endurance. The OCS child is no slouch in the classroom, but he is not necessarily the brightest student. His social intelligence is high, however. She can appraise other children quickly and adeptly and arrive at a number of strategies to guarantee her predominance. The OCS always ingratiates himself with the teacher but not in a teacher's pet obvious way. He's the kid who picks up the chalk the teacher drops or reminds the teacher of a special assembly program. He's no goody-two-shoes so he's not easy to pick out. He may excel in one academic area such as mathematics and become bored at the slower instructional pace the teacher uses. His boredom may lead to class pranks, but in no way is he the class clown. Instead he is too busy sizing up the competition insofar as power ploys are concerned.
The OCS is usually not physically or mentally challenged, but a certain small percentage of OCS kids do use their disability--for instance ADD or dyslexia--to wield power. By default this guarantees them special status, separating them from the majority. The OCS wants to attract positive attention so he uses a special status, talent, the adorable factor, or adaptability to gain points.
Because the early school years are so vital to the development of the OCS, it is smart for parents and teachers to share information so they can better work together. For instance, the OCS who bullies his sibs at home probably doesn't bully his peers in the classroom. One reason is schools are clamping down on bullies; another reason is it doesn't get him the reputation he craves, which is a school record that fairly lights up with normalcy. More than anything the OCS child wants to appear harmless in his interactions with other students--the better to grab the gold ring on the merry go round.
Next time: How to neutralize the OCS child
The reason for spotting OCS kids as early as possible is simple. First, you're doing them a favor, and second, self-preservation. Take me for example. If you apply the ever-popular nature/nurture theory, then I was born with certain genetic propensities that created a second-class citizen mold--that is to say, I was destined genetically to lack self-confidence. However this genetic tendency was exacerbated due to my OCS sib. By the time she got done trampling over my lifeless body, I was ready to acquiesce to anything. In short I became a "yes" person in the family. I was smart enough to resent my sibling, but not smart enough to do anything much about her. Basically that was because I deferred to my parents in matters of discipline and decorum. When my parents failed to recognize the OCS child in our midst, I was hung out to dry. Their silence about some of her behaviors was tacit consent for her to continue on with her controlling ways. As a result, those behaviors helped mold a shy, timid child into a shy, timid adult.
m
That's why I stress the importance of spotting the OCS kid quickly and stopping negative behaviors before they taint family relationships.
How do you now you're dealing with an OCS kid? Well, you could use the PIA (pain in the ass) doctrine, but you'd be wrong.You might think that the OCS kid is the one sliding down the school hallways (I recall one of those kids, and he was charismatic in an off-putting way) in an effort to attract attention. Not so! In my opinion as a former teacher, attention-seeking kids are insecure so they are ill disposed to become "king" of the household or classroom. Don't get me wrong--attention seekers are problem kids, but not in the same destructive ways as an OCS child.
By the time an OCS child gets to elementary school, he has passed through a series of challenges that fall into such categories as academic/intelligence, socialization and bio-physical endurance. The OCS child is no slouch in the classroom, but he is not necessarily the brightest student. His social intelligence is high, however. She can appraise other children quickly and adeptly and arrive at a number of strategies to guarantee her predominance. The OCS always ingratiates himself with the teacher but not in a teacher's pet obvious way. He's the kid who picks up the chalk the teacher drops or reminds the teacher of a special assembly program. He's no goody-two-shoes so he's not easy to pick out. He may excel in one academic area such as mathematics and become bored at the slower instructional pace the teacher uses. His boredom may lead to class pranks, but in no way is he the class clown. Instead he is too busy sizing up the competition insofar as power ploys are concerned.
The OCS is usually not physically or mentally challenged, but a certain small percentage of OCS kids do use their disability--for instance ADD or dyslexia--to wield power. By default this guarantees them special status, separating them from the majority. The OCS wants to attract positive attention so he uses a special status, talent, the adorable factor, or adaptability to gain points.
Because the early school years are so vital to the development of the OCS, it is smart for parents and teachers to share information so they can better work together. For instance, the OCS who bullies his sibs at home probably doesn't bully his peers in the classroom. One reason is schools are clamping down on bullies; another reason is it doesn't get him the reputation he craves, which is a school record that fairly lights up with normalcy. More than anything the OCS child wants to appear harmless in his interactions with other students--the better to grab the gold ring on the merry go round.
Next time: How to neutralize the OCS child
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