Not all OCS adults are subtle about their manipulative, controlling ways. Some are so blatant that it's hard not to laugh at them.
Once my husband and I met a chiropractor and his wife for dinner. My husband knew the guy but had never spoken to the wife. After a few hellos and how are yous, she got down to business.
WOC (wife of chiropractor): Where do you live?
Me: McCormick Ranch
WOC: What kind of car do you drive?
Me: Buick Le Sabre
WOC: Kids?
Me: Don't have any.
It only took her four questions to see if I was a competitor. That was a new record, I thought. Most OCS adults beat around the bush for the first 15 minutes and then get to the nitty gritty. But she went straight to the heart of what was important to her: money and status. Not surprisingly we had an okay evening but her dog-eat-dog spirit was so obnoxious that we never saw them socially again.
Another time I had to take on a pair of OCSs. Married, they echoed each other perfectly in speech and even body language. At the time they owned a small security business so they were good at stripping people of their outward personalities and delving into the inner ones. Like typical New Yorkers they also were aggressive. But that wasn't what defined them. Their reason for living? They had to be "right" and would argue with you until you capitulated--whatever the subject was--politics cooking, pool companies--they had the best take on it.
But the funniest occasion by far was when I was in my early twenties. At that time I had a friend who had graduated college with me, and her insecurities were so egregious that she had no other option than to try and compensate by turning herself into an OCS adult. During summer weekends we would hang out at the Jersey shore, sometimes for the day, but many times in the evening. We played the bar singles scene and met a lot of guys--none of whom you'd like to introduce to your mother (if you catch my drift).
A little back story on Lisa (her fake first name) helps set the scene. Lisa was short, always dressed well, was quite vivacious but was definitely not attractive. She had acne, which alone detracted from her appearance, but she also had a large nose that seemed to spread across her face so that you didn't notice anything else but that feature. She graduated cum laude and let everyone know it, but she usually was good at hiding envy and other character flaws.
Lisa and I had just driven home--about an hour's ride--from an overnight at the Jersey shore. I had met no one special but somehow wound up at the evening's end in a sporty Jaguar with a guy who probably was drunk. (In those days DUIs were not given out as readily as in today's world, and I really can't remember anyone getting a breathalizer. Still, I was pretty stupid--or desperate--to get in the car with him.) Somehow I managed to locate my motel (where I was staying with two other girls) and my escort dropped me off there. But I was afraid he wouldn't make it back to wherever he was staying--he looked sleepy and I didn't really know how much he had drunk. So I agreed to have him stay over in my room. I slept in a bathing suit and he pretty much passed out next to me.
When Lisa awoke, she was pretty surprised to see a guy in the adjacent bed. She yelled and woke me up and we explained what had happened. I thought the whole episode was pretty funny, but when the guy pulled away in his flashy Jag, Lisa told me off. She acted like she was concerned about my reputation, but somehow that came off as insincere. I explained that we hadn't had any intimate relations and I asked him to stay because I didn't want him to become a statistic on the Garden State Parkway.
Lisa was pretty quiet on the ride back to Union, New Jersey, but I attributed it mainly to disappointment that we were starting another work week and our temp jobs weren't too interesting. I also figured she was silently ripping me apart as the sorriest slut in the tri-state area. I wasn't paying close attention but I noticed Lisa drove to her apartment first. I figured she needed to pick something up, but no, that wasn't the reason.
When I asked her when she intended to drive me home, she just smiled a goofy smile and said nothing. We went back and forth for five or so minutes until I was convinced that she was angry at me and wanted to penalize me. Control was important to her, and I had rocked the boat with last night's "love boat" adventure. Now I was going to have to pay the price. She wasn't taking me home.
I could have called a cab, but by the time it came, I knew I'd be even angrier at Lisa. What made the situation even funnier was that I had considered sharing an apartment with her while the both of us taught school. Well, I dumped that plan immediately, and as I walked from her apartment to my house (a distance of about 3 miles) I came up with even more reasons not to continue my relationship with Lisa. That was the last time I saw her, and I count myself lucky for not having gotten burned even worse.
Next chapter: Can this Marriage to an OCS Adult Be Saved?
Once my husband and I met a chiropractor and his wife for dinner. My husband knew the guy but had never spoken to the wife. After a few hellos and how are yous, she got down to business.
WOC (wife of chiropractor): Where do you live?
Me: McCormick Ranch
WOC: What kind of car do you drive?
Me: Buick Le Sabre
WOC: Kids?
Me: Don't have any.
It only took her four questions to see if I was a competitor. That was a new record, I thought. Most OCS adults beat around the bush for the first 15 minutes and then get to the nitty gritty. But she went straight to the heart of what was important to her: money and status. Not surprisingly we had an okay evening but her dog-eat-dog spirit was so obnoxious that we never saw them socially again.
Another time I had to take on a pair of OCSs. Married, they echoed each other perfectly in speech and even body language. At the time they owned a small security business so they were good at stripping people of their outward personalities and delving into the inner ones. Like typical New Yorkers they also were aggressive. But that wasn't what defined them. Their reason for living? They had to be "right" and would argue with you until you capitulated--whatever the subject was--politics cooking, pool companies--they had the best take on it.
But the funniest occasion by far was when I was in my early twenties. At that time I had a friend who had graduated college with me, and her insecurities were so egregious that she had no other option than to try and compensate by turning herself into an OCS adult. During summer weekends we would hang out at the Jersey shore, sometimes for the day, but many times in the evening. We played the bar singles scene and met a lot of guys--none of whom you'd like to introduce to your mother (if you catch my drift).
A little back story on Lisa (her fake first name) helps set the scene. Lisa was short, always dressed well, was quite vivacious but was definitely not attractive. She had acne, which alone detracted from her appearance, but she also had a large nose that seemed to spread across her face so that you didn't notice anything else but that feature. She graduated cum laude and let everyone know it, but she usually was good at hiding envy and other character flaws.
Lisa and I had just driven home--about an hour's ride--from an overnight at the Jersey shore. I had met no one special but somehow wound up at the evening's end in a sporty Jaguar with a guy who probably was drunk. (In those days DUIs were not given out as readily as in today's world, and I really can't remember anyone getting a breathalizer. Still, I was pretty stupid--or desperate--to get in the car with him.) Somehow I managed to locate my motel (where I was staying with two other girls) and my escort dropped me off there. But I was afraid he wouldn't make it back to wherever he was staying--he looked sleepy and I didn't really know how much he had drunk. So I agreed to have him stay over in my room. I slept in a bathing suit and he pretty much passed out next to me.
When Lisa awoke, she was pretty surprised to see a guy in the adjacent bed. She yelled and woke me up and we explained what had happened. I thought the whole episode was pretty funny, but when the guy pulled away in his flashy Jag, Lisa told me off. She acted like she was concerned about my reputation, but somehow that came off as insincere. I explained that we hadn't had any intimate relations and I asked him to stay because I didn't want him to become a statistic on the Garden State Parkway.
Lisa was pretty quiet on the ride back to Union, New Jersey, but I attributed it mainly to disappointment that we were starting another work week and our temp jobs weren't too interesting. I also figured she was silently ripping me apart as the sorriest slut in the tri-state area. I wasn't paying close attention but I noticed Lisa drove to her apartment first. I figured she needed to pick something up, but no, that wasn't the reason.
When I asked her when she intended to drive me home, she just smiled a goofy smile and said nothing. We went back and forth for five or so minutes until I was convinced that she was angry at me and wanted to penalize me. Control was important to her, and I had rocked the boat with last night's "love boat" adventure. Now I was going to have to pay the price. She wasn't taking me home.
I could have called a cab, but by the time it came, I knew I'd be even angrier at Lisa. What made the situation even funnier was that I had considered sharing an apartment with her while the both of us taught school. Well, I dumped that plan immediately, and as I walked from her apartment to my house (a distance of about 3 miles) I came up with even more reasons not to continue my relationship with Lisa. That was the last time I saw her, and I count myself lucky for not having gotten burned even worse.
Next chapter: Can this Marriage to an OCS Adult Be Saved?
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