It would probably take a psychiatrist to tease out all the reasons why I seem to attract friends with OCS, but since junior high I've had a series of girlfriends who, when it comes right down to it, don't give a fig leaf about me.
In 8th grade it was Sheila. Smart with average looks, she didn't take long to cut me down to size. It came natural to her. During our friendship I had the advantage of knowing her parents and sibs. Despite being the youngest in the family, Sheila was the only girl. I watched in awe as she bossed her older brothers around, making them jump through hoops while critiquing their performance or behavior. Her family was more than willing to tolerate her OCS because first of all, they weren't aware she was wielding all this power, and second, the parents' immigrant tradition had trickled down to their children-- the brothers were culturally hardwired to put their sister on a pedestal.
However, I was not quite so amenable to being ordered around by someone outside the immediate family. I had to deal with my sister, but another dictator I didn't want. Yet Sheila got her pound of flesh from me too. Along with a nose for collecting boyfriends, she was a wannabe actress. She tried out for everything--school musicals, choir, talent shows, whatever--and she succeeded most of the time. But it was a swim club production that really caused her OCS to clash head-on with my abilities. The camp directors were drafting teens to appear in skits and scenes from old or unknown plays. As soon as she learned that I was answering the casting call, Sheila made it her business to try out too. As fate would have it, I actually got the role of a farmer because I was able to inject a yodel into my voice. Sheila was livid--the first crack in a relationship that heretofore had given her total advantage. A second erosion of our friendship occurred when she organized a kind of ladies-in-waiting group around her who would do her bidding without asking. Thankfully she excluded me, probably guessing I'd be more trouble than I was worth.
As I said before, my OCS-spotting skills were late in development so college relationships reflected that social backwardness. In hindsight at least two of my close college friends were weaving OCS webs around me for many months. But only one ripped the rug right from under my feet. Natalie was a statuesque brunette, inclined to be a little zaftig, but with long thick hair and a porcelain complexion that more than compensated for her lesser features. I should have known better to travel with her to Fort Lauderdale during the Christmas season after our earlier weekend fiasco in New York's Catskills Mountains. That mess I attributed to a lack of eligible men. I gave both of us the benefit of the doubt since it almost dissolved into a cat fight over some guy employed as the hotel recreation director. By check-out time we not only were arguing about trivia, but we had tossed our weekend "catch" into the refuse pile.
The horror show in Florida topped anything I might have imagined. The first night the two of us got dressed up and went to a local cocktail lounge where college kids supposedly hung out. It didn't take but an hour until Natalie had grabbed herself a guy. They were making plans for the week--plans that didn't include me. Back then I was far from independent. My shyness meant it was difficult for me to do things by myself. So when I heard that Natalie was trading me in for a male roommate, I got scared and then angry. I also had picked up some germs aboard American's Flight 666 from Newark to Fort Lauderdale and had a doozie of a cold. I was definitely not up for spending the week by myself with no companionship beyond a Fodor's Guide to Florida. I figured that when Natalie realized how upset I was she would modify her plans to include me. But no!!!! Her silence told me everything I needed to know. She didn't care what I did as long as I did not interfere with her new boyfriend. So I took the next flight to NJ (in a snowstorm) and kissed our friendship goodbye.
How could I have handled this better? Yes, but only if I'd known that Natalie was an OCS person. Then. I would have chosen a travel partner who didn't compete 100 percent of the time. Of course that would have meant acquiring emotional smarts I didn't yet have.
Next time an inside look into my sib's devious machinations as an OCS person. Formidable, as the French say!
In 8th grade it was Sheila. Smart with average looks, she didn't take long to cut me down to size. It came natural to her. During our friendship I had the advantage of knowing her parents and sibs. Despite being the youngest in the family, Sheila was the only girl. I watched in awe as she bossed her older brothers around, making them jump through hoops while critiquing their performance or behavior. Her family was more than willing to tolerate her OCS because first of all, they weren't aware she was wielding all this power, and second, the parents' immigrant tradition had trickled down to their children-- the brothers were culturally hardwired to put their sister on a pedestal.
However, I was not quite so amenable to being ordered around by someone outside the immediate family. I had to deal with my sister, but another dictator I didn't want. Yet Sheila got her pound of flesh from me too. Along with a nose for collecting boyfriends, she was a wannabe actress. She tried out for everything--school musicals, choir, talent shows, whatever--and she succeeded most of the time. But it was a swim club production that really caused her OCS to clash head-on with my abilities. The camp directors were drafting teens to appear in skits and scenes from old or unknown plays. As soon as she learned that I was answering the casting call, Sheila made it her business to try out too. As fate would have it, I actually got the role of a farmer because I was able to inject a yodel into my voice. Sheila was livid--the first crack in a relationship that heretofore had given her total advantage. A second erosion of our friendship occurred when she organized a kind of ladies-in-waiting group around her who would do her bidding without asking. Thankfully she excluded me, probably guessing I'd be more trouble than I was worth.
As I said before, my OCS-spotting skills were late in development so college relationships reflected that social backwardness. In hindsight at least two of my close college friends were weaving OCS webs around me for many months. But only one ripped the rug right from under my feet. Natalie was a statuesque brunette, inclined to be a little zaftig, but with long thick hair and a porcelain complexion that more than compensated for her lesser features. I should have known better to travel with her to Fort Lauderdale during the Christmas season after our earlier weekend fiasco in New York's Catskills Mountains. That mess I attributed to a lack of eligible men. I gave both of us the benefit of the doubt since it almost dissolved into a cat fight over some guy employed as the hotel recreation director. By check-out time we not only were arguing about trivia, but we had tossed our weekend "catch" into the refuse pile.
The horror show in Florida topped anything I might have imagined. The first night the two of us got dressed up and went to a local cocktail lounge where college kids supposedly hung out. It didn't take but an hour until Natalie had grabbed herself a guy. They were making plans for the week--plans that didn't include me. Back then I was far from independent. My shyness meant it was difficult for me to do things by myself. So when I heard that Natalie was trading me in for a male roommate, I got scared and then angry. I also had picked up some germs aboard American's Flight 666 from Newark to Fort Lauderdale and had a doozie of a cold. I was definitely not up for spending the week by myself with no companionship beyond a Fodor's Guide to Florida. I figured that when Natalie realized how upset I was she would modify her plans to include me. But no!!!! Her silence told me everything I needed to know. She didn't care what I did as long as I did not interfere with her new boyfriend. So I took the next flight to NJ (in a snowstorm) and kissed our friendship goodbye.
How could I have handled this better? Yes, but only if I'd known that Natalie was an OCS person. Then. I would have chosen a travel partner who didn't compete 100 percent of the time. Of course that would have meant acquiring emotional smarts I didn't yet have.
Next time an inside look into my sib's devious machinations as an OCS person. Formidable, as the French say!
Comments