"chosen."
My greatest experience with rejection has come from freelance writing. You send out queries, which are really ideas for articles, and you wait for an editor to make a decision. The decision can be based on the appropriateness of the idea, your timing (someone beat you to the punch), or your credentials. Or it can be based on the query itself--was it well written, stimulating, containing enough hard info? If I'd kept a file of all my rejections, I bet I could easily paper my office walls with them. However, it would not serve a constructive purpose--that's a nice way of saying I'd probably cry my eyes out staring at them.
What transcends rejection and the resulting insult to your ego? Sheer stubbornness helps. Sometimes it's just a matter of numbers, and you have to keep sending out queries or copies of your writing until you hit the right editor. Right now I've been trying to place a humor piece in McSweeneys, which is historically only one step below getting a humor piece accepted by the New Yorker. That last publication is the five-star venue for humorists, and Jesse Eisenberg and Steve Martin have published there so you would be in great company. I've been skimming over some of New Yorker's "chosen" in their online Shouts and Murmurs department, and some of the writing I don't get. I feel like shouting to that column that maybe you should pick writers who are less esoteric and more down to earth!!
What else helps you fight off the blows of rejection? Telling yourself that it's just one person's opinion, and perhaps your query landed on his desk when he had a headache, was worrying about a sick child, or was unable to concentrate. Sending the query out again also can help. It's the equivalent of getting back on your feet and making another stab at success. It means you have faith in yourself or the query, and you just need to find the right home for it.
Rejection also can provide you with clues. Sometimes it tells you that your talents don't lie here. For instance, if you keep getting rejected by dates, this could mean you've been dating the wrong people. What's the common ingredient(s) between these dates? Do they like to manipulate others? Do they want to make all the decisions? Are they cheap with compliments or affection? If you're consistently having difficulties getting jobs, it's time to analyze why. Do you have the right academics, certificates, or life experience? Maybe you're a square peg trying to fit into a round hole.
I did that for a while when I taught school. It was a Catch 22 situation: I had all the education and credentials for teaching and none of the enthusiasm, but I was young and naive enough to believe that I could grow to like teaching. I never did.
I liked some of the kids (they were usually the ones who were well behaved and respectful), but despite my sense of humor, I didn't like the kids who joked around and disturbed the rest of the class. I was not good at enforcing discipline, and I couldn't admit that to my colleagues or the principal because I was sure then I'd be forced out of my job. Looking back, maybe I might have gotten some help in discipline and it could have helped my overall attitude about teaching, but I think I would have eventually gotten bored and felt underutilized. Anyhow those were not the days when new teachers automatically got mentors for the first year or so. So I fired myself--I resigned and made a lateral move to another career: librarianship. It was an improvement, but obviously I didn't have the courage to go where my passions were, and I didn't start writing professionally until I was in my late thirties. It took a while for me to process the hits I took as a teacher and a librarian and realize I could turn in a better job as a writer.
I still get rejections and it's still hard to cope with, but now at least I know I'I'm playing in the right ball park.
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