If you've been following my humor blog--and 614 of you out there in blogland are--you know that I define the Only Child friend as someone who, despite the fact they may have 17 siblings, still acts as if they're the only child in the family. This person is afflicted with Only Child Syndrome.Not the worst of the personality disorders, but certainly not the best.
Well, today I got a dose of what passes for "friendship" in my world, and of course it was from someone with OCS.
My friend, who I'll call Susie, recently left two voice mail messages, so I knew I couldn't avoid communicating with her for long. The clock was ticking, and the longer the time gap, the fewer kind thoughts about me she could muster.
For the past few months, I really haven't contacted Susie. The weather was hot so I didn't go bopping around with errands and lunches. Beside I was nursing my little black schnauzer and my depressive illness (of which Susie tends to make fun, e.g. "Doesn't look like the meds are helping") and staying busy with blogging and writing humor. So I hadn't called her, and she hadn't called me. I thought she might be mad at me, but I figured she didn't care enough about me to get angry. Guess what? I was right.
I decided to email her today in response to her voice mails. That way I could control a one-sided conversation. So I purposely wrote all about me and my daily life--the ups and downs--and didn't bother asking anything about her. Why? Because I knew I'd hear it all when she replied.It also was time she got a little bit of her own medicine.
Of course I was right about her ego vomitaria. She not only told me about her goings on, but she also managed to criticize my accomplishments. For instance, I told her I changed Mork (my black schnauzer"s) food and she informed me that she liked one particular commercial food and didn't approve of home-cooked fare. That was her way of telling me I'm probably doing everything wrong to help my cancer-stricken pet.
This is the type of feedback I'm used to getting from her, but now I've reached the breaking point. I'd rather table the friendship than have to put up with this doo-doo. On one hand, she commented on her past itinerary and how fabulous her choices were and on the other hand, she debased everything I had done. If I had told her I went back East to visit friends, she would have said something about how humid and awful the weather is in the summer, which is why she stays in her air-conditioned Arizona house 24/7. She has an irritating answer to everything and the words provoke me no end.
The point is that her conversational content reveals her real interest is keeping her ego intact--not allowing anything to damage her self-image. So she has to rationalize certain things and blind side others. I don't know why I'm actually attempting to hide her identity because she's the kind of person who deplores social media. She has repeatedly said that she has no time for it. So I'm about 99.9 percent sure she'll never read this. In fact, I wonder if she reads much of anything. Well, that's okay by me, but the inference is that we're all wasting our time on FB, Twitter and other similar websites. Her opinion has legs but almost anything in life is a "waste of time." For example, why bother educating yourself when one day all that knowledge you've gained is going to be buried with you?
Back to Susie: I know she'll never change, and that is a pity because our so-called friendship is so skewed in her favor that I don't know if I can keep up the pretense much longer.
Anyone else in similar circumstances? If so, my empathy goes out to you. To have a pseudo-friend is discouraging to say the least. It's worse than not having any friends.You don't get the most basic needs met, which is another person who cares about your life, at least to a moderate degree. And actually I feel like a fool because I expended lots of energy trying to take an interest in her life and ignored the lack of reciprocity.
Oh well, I guess that's why some people say if you have one or two friends in your whole life, count yourself lucky
!
Well, today I got a dose of what passes for "friendship" in my world, and of course it was from someone with OCS.
My friend, who I'll call Susie, recently left two voice mail messages, so I knew I couldn't avoid communicating with her for long. The clock was ticking, and the longer the time gap, the fewer kind thoughts about me she could muster.
For the past few months, I really haven't contacted Susie. The weather was hot so I didn't go bopping around with errands and lunches. Beside I was nursing my little black schnauzer and my depressive illness (of which Susie tends to make fun, e.g. "Doesn't look like the meds are helping") and staying busy with blogging and writing humor. So I hadn't called her, and she hadn't called me. I thought she might be mad at me, but I figured she didn't care enough about me to get angry. Guess what? I was right.
I decided to email her today in response to her voice mails. That way I could control a one-sided conversation. So I purposely wrote all about me and my daily life--the ups and downs--and didn't bother asking anything about her. Why? Because I knew I'd hear it all when she replied.It also was time she got a little bit of her own medicine.
Of course I was right about her ego vomitaria. She not only told me about her goings on, but she also managed to criticize my accomplishments. For instance, I told her I changed Mork (my black schnauzer"s) food and she informed me that she liked one particular commercial food and didn't approve of home-cooked fare. That was her way of telling me I'm probably doing everything wrong to help my cancer-stricken pet.
This is the type of feedback I'm used to getting from her, but now I've reached the breaking point. I'd rather table the friendship than have to put up with this doo-doo. On one hand, she commented on her past itinerary and how fabulous her choices were and on the other hand, she debased everything I had done. If I had told her I went back East to visit friends, she would have said something about how humid and awful the weather is in the summer, which is why she stays in her air-conditioned Arizona house 24/7. She has an irritating answer to everything and the words provoke me no end.
The point is that her conversational content reveals her real interest is keeping her ego intact--not allowing anything to damage her self-image. So she has to rationalize certain things and blind side others. I don't know why I'm actually attempting to hide her identity because she's the kind of person who deplores social media. She has repeatedly said that she has no time for it. So I'm about 99.9 percent sure she'll never read this. In fact, I wonder if she reads much of anything. Well, that's okay by me, but the inference is that we're all wasting our time on FB, Twitter and other similar websites. Her opinion has legs but almost anything in life is a "waste of time." For example, why bother educating yourself when one day all that knowledge you've gained is going to be buried with you?
Back to Susie: I know she'll never change, and that is a pity because our so-called friendship is so skewed in her favor that I don't know if I can keep up the pretense much longer.
Anyone else in similar circumstances? If so, my empathy goes out to you. To have a pseudo-friend is discouraging to say the least. It's worse than not having any friends.You don't get the most basic needs met, which is another person who cares about your life, at least to a moderate degree. And actually I feel like a fool because I expended lots of energy trying to take an interest in her life and ignored the lack of reciprocity.
Oh well, I guess that's why some people say if you have one or two friends in your whole life, count yourself lucky
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