Dear Abby: Have I Got a Problem for You!

Dear Abby,

I'm not much for consulting newspaper columnists about relationships, but I'm up against a wall. I don't know if I should do anything or not, and if action is the correct response, then what action should I take?. Perhaps you need to know all the details first, and then you can yell at me.

My friend's daughter is a psychologist with a doctoral degree. She works in NYC. She's in her early thirties and a stunner. So she is not in any way hard up for dates. Her older sister, who is married, tells me that her younger sister has a habit of on-again-off-again relationships with men. I was not aware of this behavior, and frankly I'm surprised since she seems like such a smart, well-grounded person.

Now she has announced that she's engaged, but the man whom she intends to marry really does not want to get married. Her sister said, "He asked her what it would take for them to stay together, and she said marriage. So she kinda backed him into a corner."

I agree. He gave her a ring, but from the sound of it this may be something he got off his mother. He is not interested in planning the wedding and wants a very small affair, no more than 40 people. The fiancee wants security, but as a well-educated professional, she already has it. So that's not a good reason for this marriage

After speaking with the older sister, I feel obliged to say something to my friend. In fact the older sister asked me to. What should I do and say?

A Wreck in Arizona

Hello Wreck in Arizona,

This is a ticklish situation, and for the first time in 100 years both Abby and Ann and any other twin who's been writing this advice column do not know what exactly to tell you. This guy sounds like a first-class heel and I wouldn't want my daughter marrying him either. But since we only have the info from third parties, we don't really know if he's as obnoxious as he sounds. He could be worse; he could be better.

So, give him a little rope at which point maybe he'll hang himself. Tell your friend how you feel and ask her to share some of it with her younger daughter. If I know the mother-daughter relationship, the fiancee will pick up on her mother's hesitancy and maybe will rethink the wedding plans.

At the worst, she will continue to make her wedding plans but will watch carefully for any weirdness on her betrothed's part. You are certainly free to take this advice or make a mess of things without heeding me.

It goes without saying that you may not get an invite to the wedding.

Comments

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