Skip to main content

Bitching is My Life

Yeah, This is another one of my bitch/gripe essays. How can I keep up the challenging pace? It’s not easy but I work at it. I try to find something negative in everything I see and do. And it works for me.
Just yesterday in AZ everyone woke up to a blue sky and warm temps, but I quickly dispensed with that happy development. All I had to do was walk out on our fake grass and I was hit with one big negative after the other. Our fake grass seems to have been infected with real grass and the two don’t complement each other. So I bitched about that over breakfast and pretty soon I had my husband outside pulling out the real stuff. Boy was he miserable! But I scored again!
Then in the afternoon I went to the supermarket, and sure enough, I found something else to gripe about. It’s an upscale store. I mean it’s got a Starbucks, a salad bar, about a million bottles of French and domestic wine…..and a homeless guy hanging around at one of the exits. That’s disgusting. Maybe most people don’t mind seeing a smelly jerk with his hand out, but I don’t get it. Most of those cars behind me don’t even give the guy a quarter, but they smile at him anyway and they think that’s fine. But I call a spade a spade, and homeless panhandling is just a step below prostitution, and you know what I think about that. Well, you probably do too.
I bitched about the homeless guy in the car while I was driving home I even got on one of those talk shows where you give your opinion about social issues. Some people were bitching about Trump, but they’re nuts. He’s the best thing to happen to this country in years. He doesn’t cater to the happiness crowd–not old Donald. He bitches like me and everyone is better for it. Look how many enemies he’s made just in the few short years he’s been president. And enemies are good. That means they won’t bother us. They’ll be too busy making nice to those weak-kneed countries like England, Germany and Scandinavia. New Zealand finally got a chance to get in some terrific bitching when that white supremacist killed 50 people. That was a mega bitch. It wasn’t any 9/11 bitch session, but you don’t get that opportunity too often. I remember I spent weeks bitching about all those people killed by ISIS or whatever they call themselves now. It was a veritable bitch fest, and I know a few people tired of my tirades, but the hell with them. They were too happy to begin with.
Anyway, I told that guy on the radio that I was a top bitcher in my neighborhood and I was really, really proud of it. He didn’t know what to say, so he hemmed and hawed a bit and asked me what my latest bitch was about. I told him t
hat I was driving home and some car just backed out of a driveway and didn’t even look to see if there were other cars coming. He just gassed it and he was darn lucky that I’m a bitcher because another person wouldn’t have tolerated someone like that messing up their day. But me, I expect negative stuff and just add it to my bitch tally for the day, week or month. I watched a few other drivers give him the finger, but I’ll stick to just bitching. It improves my verbal facility and I’ve got to be tops in the field or else I’d be bitching about that.
I’ve taken enough of your on-air time with my bitching, so I’ll sign off now. Thanks for giving me a venue. A lot of folks won’t put up with my bitching, but I don’t capitulate. Someone has to stand up for the democratic ideals this country was built on. Everyone has the right to their own opinions. Too bad about Trump. Now he can’t bitch about the “witch hunt.” Looks like Mueller gave him a clean slate and now he’ll be looking around for something else to bitch about. He’s wicked on dead people. John McCain just rolled over another time, I hear. Next bitch I predict will be on the liberal Dems who are sulking over Mueller’s conclusions. What will Donald bitch about on Twitter–I can hardly wait to see?
Maybe if I were a guy and as stupid as Donald I could get elected too. I’ve got a CV that’s full of tasty bitches. Vote for me, I’d plaster over my website. Then I’d go back to bitching nonstop. That ought to bring in the votes.

Comments

ADMIN said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
July 28, 2019 at 9:33 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Should Old Acquaintances Be Forgot?

In the Scottish dialect of the old New Year's Eve song Auld Lang Syne, the composer posits the question: Should old acquaintances be forgot? The short answer to this is "Sometimes." One example will suffice. A "friend" of mine emailed me the other day and although she is not a writer, her words spoke plenty. Her first rebuke was that I don't answer her calls, and this is a claim I cannot deny. But the accusation was caustic, mean-spirited--it was as if I had neglected to visit her in the hospital, that's how grievous my omission was. She insinuated so much by those few harsh words. Why did she call? Purportedly to inform me of her physical status and that of her dog Murph. Being the obedient child I still am, I did call her afterwards, and we spoke. Mostly S spoke of her new illness--osteoarthritis of the spine--and her dog's possible diagnosis of valley fever. I listened and listened and listened until I just couldn't take it any more. The
2 comments
Read more

Dogs and Cats: Tales that Strike Terror in the Hearts of Owners

I just returned from the #veterinarian with Maddie, my eight-year-old #schnauzer with valley fever. She's on a half dose of her meds, and we're seeing if this has any positive or negative influence on the course of the #disease. Valley fever is a plague in the Southwest, especially Arizona, and it's one of the crazier #fungal diseases out there. For instance, Maddie never showed any #discernible symptoms but when I chanced to test her for the disease, she showed a high titre. So either the test was really wrong-----about three times in a row--or else Maddie's immune system is so good that it's #clobbering the disease but not ridding the body of it. This is a long way of stating the obvious. Although dogs like Maddie as well as cats, miniature horses and even  bunnies are regularly being used as #therapy animals at nursing homes, hospitals, schools, and all kinds of venues, they also are capable of traumatizing people or just plain breaking their heart. Wai
2 comments
Read more

Are You Successful? Take this Test and Find Out

I grew up never believing I was as good or as #successful as the next guy, and it's a common problem or so my shrinks seem to think (some of these good doctors have earned six-figure salaries on just this one patient complaint alone).  But after all these years of #consigning myself to the role of second-class citizen, I've figured out that success is just one of those meaningless words--like #beautiful or wonderful--that can be tweaked any way you want it. In other words, success is what you make of it.  Take our #President for example. Here's a man who practically reeks of success by anyone's definition. He's built hotels, put together company #buyouts/mergers, fathered children, married, and earned the title of Most Important Person in the Land (perhaps the Globe). On the other hand, we could, if we wanted, tweak the word success into its opposite: failure. Trump has been divorced several times, declared #bankruptcy, been sued by countless litiga
1 comment
Read more