The Dysfunctional Family

It's possible that you  yoursel can be an OCS person or at least have those tendencies. Don't place blame or get angry. You might have been lured into this mindset by a helicoptering parent, the lack of other siblings, or some other factor. First, make sure that you are an OCS by asking yourself these five key questions: Do I steer most conversations so they're about me? Do I ignore other people's gripes about me? Do I have difficulty making friends? Do I accept responsibility for my actions? How do I react when people criticize me? If you're an OCS person with a depressive or anxious temperament, you may act a little differently than the usual OCS adult. For instance, a former woman friend with OCS also had ADD. The ADD often made her depressed because she never seemed to be able to settle on one career. She would start studying for one area, then find herself interested in something else, but when a friend or therapist told her she was undermining her own

For those of you with an OCS sibling, cousin, or other relative or friend, I've gathered together a few techniques that may help you. Keep in mind that like any disease or negative  characteristic, the earlier you find it, the better you are able to cope with it. And depending on the personality or temperament of your OCS child or adult, some techniques may not work as well as others. Here are the 10 most effective methods of dealing with an OCS child or adult: 1. Do not allow this person to hog the conversation to the point where you're saying virtually nothing. OCS people love to talk about themselves and the sooner you communicate that you have limits (psychologists call them boundaries), the better you are. I remember that I took "politeness" to a ridiculous new high when I listened for a good 15 minutes to my sister's explanation of the card game bridge. I told her I wasn't interested in learning this game, but she tuned out and monologued. Also, be p

While the wife is mulling over her marriage, she recognizes that her husband is an OCS adult. This syndrome has affected her marriage as well as her life choices and those of her children/............... Her awareness of her husband's OCS gives her an advantage, and she depends on pre-emptive strikes to eliminate most of his worst behaviors. And now the children are adults who also have knowledge of their father's OCS status. Who are these family members? Some of you may have already guessed correctly. These relatives are none other than my mother, father, OCS sister and myself. Although my mother knew my dad's potential for doing harm, as she grew older and more secure, she found coping ways to handle my dad. As a result, his behaviors were not as harmful as they might have been. For instance, when I had the chance to take a six-week summer trip to Europe, my dad said no initially. But my mom helped him understand that being away from family for a lengthy time was some

Let's say you've married an OCS adult. Lately you've been quarreling a lot. You have attributed it to different priorities, values,  and temperaments. That may be true, but if you're really being honest with yourself, maybe you've married someone with OCS. Is there hope for this marriage, or should you just call it quits? Good question. Everyone eventually has to do a cost-benefit analysis of their important relationships and determine the outcome by weighing the good and the bad. But before you do that, let me tell you about a couple I knew and describe the trajectory of their marriage. In this instance the OCS adult was the husband. He earned a decent living in a profession he pretty much disliked. So a lot of his positive career energy was siphoned off into sticking his nose in everybody's business: his wife and kids, predominantly, but also some of his wife's extended family. This OCS adult actually grew up as an only child and derived some of his ba

Not all OCS adults are subtle about their manipulative, controlling ways. Some are so blatant that it's hard not to laugh at them. Once my husband and I met a chiropractor and his wife for dinner. My husband knew the guy but had never spoken to the wife. After a few hellos and how are yous, she got down to business. WOC (wife of chiropractor): Where do you live? Me: McCormick Ranch WOC: What kind of car do you drive? Me: Buick Le Sabre WOC: Kids? Me: Don't have any. It only took her four questions to see if I was a competitor. That was a new record, I thought. Most OCS adults beat around the bush for the first 15 minutes and then get to the nitty gritty. But she went straight to the heart of what was important to her: money and status. Not surprisingly we had an okay evening but her dog-eat-dog spirit was so obnoxious that we never saw them socially again. Another time I had to take on a pair of OCSs. Married, they echoed each other perfectly in speech and even bod

After receiving our grades, the three student teachers and their mentors went out to lunch at a nearby restaurant. It was supposed to be a fun time, but at least for me, the meal was hard to swallow. I nearly broke down in the classroom when Mrs. B gave me the bad news.about my grade. I don't think it would have mattered one scintilla, but Mrs. B ordered me to cut out the tears, and I did it in record time. You didn't  disobey an OCS like Mrs. B. After all, she was now the master of my fate. Back at college I had a full slate of classes and I walked through them in a haze of depression. I don't know what my parents or friends thought of my demeanor, but no one said anything encouraging. I probably seemed normal to them since depression was my norm. Still, although I pretty much told everyone about my lousy grade, I didn't put two and two together and arrive at a helpful conclusion. I was stubbornly persistent in that if I had made it through all those years of classes

She was an imposing figure of a grade school teacher who waltzed into the classroom with the utmost confidence. She wore brightly-colored, loose-fitting, off-the-rack dresses as though they were designer creations. One glance and she could quiet 26 jabbering juveniles. In fact one glance from her and I was putty; she was that authoritarian. To say I liked her would be incorrect. But I did respect her and envy her talent for transferring herself into the quintessential disciplinarian. A heavy woman, her extra pounds added to her strength and ability to intimidate. I wanted to be her--at least for the six weeks of student teaching. I thought that maybe just maybe if I hung around her and observed her techniques--emulating her every move--I would succeed. I had to succeed if I wanted to apply for teaching positions, earn a salary and move out of my parent's house. I didn't think beyond those short-term goals. Two other students also were serving internships at the same school